Feeling the force through a difficult time

I am trying to feel the force during a very difficult time. It's been just over a week since my FIL (Father-in-law) passed away. Hard to believe. It's been such a busy and stressful week. Lots to do for the memorial and estate stuff is starting. It's a hell of a lot of work. It's a very emotional as well as physical process. It's hard to pack up all my in-laws belongings. It's weird to think there won't be anymore visits to their place.

I am trying to get back to normal but things don't feel quite right. I'm still very emotional and have meltdowns a lot. It's very hard. I know that my FIL is in a better place but I still miss him. It's hard to adjust to a life without both of my in-laws. It feels like the end of an era.

I am planning to start writing my speech today for my FIL's memorial. It's very difficult for me to find the words. My FIL was a very big part of our life. It's really hard to say goodbye.  :( 

I feel like a very changed person after my experiences of visiting my FIL during the last few months. He was in the hospital after a bad fall in January. Anakin and I visited the hospital between 50-60 times. I felt a very strong bond with my FIL. I held his hand and comforted him during some very difficult times. Watching a loved one suffer from cancer is very cruel and mean. There were some really heartbreaking moments during our visits. I'm glad that he is not in anymore pain. He is also together with his wife now. I know he wasn't the same after my MIL passed away.

Watching someone you love pass away is truly a life changing experience. I spent 10-15 minutes alone with my FIL after he passed away. I will never forget what that experience was like. It was truly surreal and spiritual as well. I feel my FIL's spirit around us. It gives me comfort that I will meet him again one day. As well as many other loved ones.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala