Feeling the force through a difficult time

I am trying to feel the force during a very difficult time. It's been just over a week since my FIL (Father-in-law) passed away. Hard to believe. It's been such a busy and stressful week. Lots to do for the memorial and estate stuff is starting. It's a hell of a lot of work. It's a very emotional as well as physical process. It's hard to pack up all my in-laws belongings. It's weird to think there won't be anymore visits to their place.

I am trying to get back to normal but things don't feel quite right. I'm still very emotional and have meltdowns a lot. It's very hard. I know that my FIL is in a better place but I still miss him. It's hard to adjust to a life without both of my in-laws. It feels like the end of an era.

I am planning to start writing my speech today for my FIL's memorial. It's very difficult for me to find the words. My FIL was a very big part of our life. It's really hard to say goodbye.  :( 

I feel like a very changed person after my experiences of visiting my FIL during the last few months. He was in the hospital after a bad fall in January. Anakin and I visited the hospital between 50-60 times. I felt a very strong bond with my FIL. I held his hand and comforted him during some very difficult times. Watching a loved one suffer from cancer is very cruel and mean. There were some really heartbreaking moments during our visits. I'm glad that he is not in anymore pain. He is also together with his wife now. I know he wasn't the same after my MIL passed away.

Watching someone you love pass away is truly a life changing experience. I spent 10-15 minutes alone with my FIL after he passed away. I will never forget what that experience was like. It was truly surreal and spiritual as well. I feel my FIL's spirit around us. It gives me comfort that I will meet him again one day. As well as many other loved ones.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Bad news

We got some bad news this morning. :/  The hospital phoned. Things didn't sound very good. My FIL's stats were pretty bad so they sent him over to the ER department. I've been really worried that this might happen. :(  I'm very upset right now. I don't want to lose my FIL. He's a good man. I'm really sad this is happening. He's a very big part of my family.

One of the hardest parts about life is when you start to lose people you love. I've lost too many to cancer. :(  It really makes you think about life and how short it is. Hold onto those you love. One day they might not be there anymore.

My heart is hurting. I am trying to hold on through this rough time. It's hard to lose someone you love. I just hope that we can get more time with my FIL. I'm not ready to lose him yet. :(  I know that this is really hard for Anakin and our kids too. He's been a very big part of my kid's lives. I'm very glad for all the great memories we have shared as a family. This is very upsetting.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala