A strange morning on the darkside

It's been a really strange morning on the darkside. I never thought that I'd ever be taking another pregnancy test again. I really thought those days were over. I'm 40 years old and Anakin has had a vasectomy. We both regretted the vasectomy. We even looked into vasectomy reversal in 2009. Our marriage was going through a tough time. His mom was dying of terminal cancer. We had some really serious talks about having another baby. It never happened though.

Last year the teen had a bit of a pregnancy scare and made me realize that I could be a Grandma one day! I started to give up hope that I would have anymore children. It's hard to let go of a dream though. We always wanted another child. There was many miscarriages and loss. It would have been risky for me to have another pregnancy. We both decided that it was fate and meant to be. We would only be having two children.

We have a 17 year old daughter and a 11 (almost 12) year old son! My kids are growing up on me. There are some really big life changes going on right now. I have been really stressed out about it. I was diagnosed with having an ulcer. I've been told to try to reduce my stress. I've had a lot of health issues this year. I have lost weight and exercised a lot to deal with stress.

I had some really light spotting for about 2 days at the beginning of February. I thought my period was coming. But it didn't come. I'm weeks late now. :/  This is not typical for me. I've had very normal periods up to this point. I could tell that Anakin was very worried about it.

He went out and bought me a pregnancy test this morning. My hands were shaking and my head was spinning! Master Anakin was pacing around our kitchen. I took the test and almost expected it to show up as positive. I was really surprised when it came out negative. I came downstairs and showed Anakin the test. He didn't say a word to me. He just held me and we hugged for several minutes.

I think we were both a bit surprised by the results of the test. Master went to work a bit late this morning after I took the test. I think we are both doing a lot of thinking. Life really does pass you by so quickly. Changes are always happening. My body is doing a lot of changing too. It's weird to think about menopause. How is that going to affect me and my hormones? I'm a bit scared of the road ahead of me. I've got to admit that I'm a tiny bit disappointed that the test wasn't positive. I'm feeling a bit emotional about it all.

I know that Anakin and I can get through anything though. Our force is forever strong...

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala