A strange morning on the darkside

It's been a really strange morning on the darkside. I never thought that I'd ever be taking another pregnancy test again. I really thought those days were over. I'm 40 years old and Anakin has had a vasectomy. We both regretted the vasectomy. We even looked into vasectomy reversal in 2009. Our marriage was going through a tough time. His mom was dying of terminal cancer. We had some really serious talks about having another baby. It never happened though.

Last year the teen had a bit of a pregnancy scare and made me realize that I could be a Grandma one day! I started to give up hope that I would have anymore children. It's hard to let go of a dream though. We always wanted another child. There was many miscarriages and loss. It would have been risky for me to have another pregnancy. We both decided that it was fate and meant to be. We would only be having two children.

We have a 17 year old daughter and a 11 (almost 12) year old son! My kids are growing up on me. There are some really big life changes going on right now. I have been really stressed out about it. I was diagnosed with having an ulcer. I've been told to try to reduce my stress. I've had a lot of health issues this year. I have lost weight and exercised a lot to deal with stress.

I had some really light spotting for about 2 days at the beginning of February. I thought my period was coming. But it didn't come. I'm weeks late now. :/  This is not typical for me. I've had very normal periods up to this point. I could tell that Anakin was very worried about it.

He went out and bought me a pregnancy test this morning. My hands were shaking and my head was spinning! Master Anakin was pacing around our kitchen. I took the test and almost expected it to show up as positive. I was really surprised when it came out negative. I came downstairs and showed Anakin the test. He didn't say a word to me. He just held me and we hugged for several minutes.

I think we were both a bit surprised by the results of the test. Master went to work a bit late this morning after I took the test. I think we are both doing a lot of thinking. Life really does pass you by so quickly. Changes are always happening. My body is doing a lot of changing too. It's weird to think about menopause. How is that going to affect me and my hormones? I'm a bit scared of the road ahead of me. I've got to admit that I'm a tiny bit disappointed that the test wasn't positive. I'm feeling a bit emotional about it all.

I know that Anakin and I can get through anything though. Our force is forever strong...

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Life changes

There have been a lot of life changes this year. So much is changing and there is lots to adjust to. We thought that my FIL was getting released from the hospital but he wasn't. It's been a very difficult situation. It's been a stressful time for our whole family.

The hospital is a very depressing place to visit. It brings back some really bad memories too. The hospice is right beside it which is where Anakin's mom passed away. It's not a very happy place to visit. My FIL looked very sad and quiet yesterday. I wish that we could do more for him. Cancer sucks!

My FIL is going to need a lot of help and support. My SIL wants to put him into a senior's home. My FIL wants to go back home though. This has caused a lot of family drama lately. It's also brought up some really big talks. Anakin asked me about his Dad moving in with us. We would get a big house and share it with his Dad and take care of him. This is obviously a very big decision!! It would change our lives in many different ways. I'm not sure what is going to happen.

There is a lot of family drama going on with my family too lately. I've really needed a break. Master and I got the chance to play and connect on Friday. He stayed home from work and we spent some time together on the darkside. It's what we both needed. It felt great to go into subspace for a while and forget our stress and family drama.

There is some really big stuff going on in our family. The teen is graduating in a few months and still trying to figure out her future. I'm really worried about her. I've had some really serious health issues going on. That's also stressed me out. Life is moving so quickly. It's hard to accept all the changes that are happening in my life. It's even strange to me that my son is turning 12 years old next month! He's about to be a teenager! The years go by so quickly. Hold onto those little moments while you can. I feel like I have a much deeper appreciation for life now that I'm 40 years old.

I've done a lot of changing lately. I don't even see the same person in the mirror anymore. I've lost 14 pounds and my body shape has even changed. Anakin's been changing a lot too. I am so proud of us for changing our lives and getting healthy. We have grown closer and fallen in love with each other all over again! I truly love my Husband and Master. He is my strong force. I know that we will get through whatever challenges are ahead for us. We are a strong couple. I love Anakin so very much. I know that I can get through anything with Him by my side.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

TGIF!! It's finally Friday!

TGIF! It's finally Friday! yah! It's been a pretty long week. I'm looking forward to some time with Master Anakin. I'm hoping we can find some alone time too! I'd really love to play on the darkside with Him! :) 

I am back from my morning walk. I'm about to do yoga with my workout buddy. I'm trying to stay on a healthy track even though I have some health issues. I saw the Doctor the other day. I'm getting some tests run. I wish that it didn't take me so long to get healthy. I'm 40 now and finally on the right track but it took me a while. It's been very challenging to make new healthy changes. I know that I need to though. My health isn't the greatest and I want to be around for a long time.

I'm really glad that I'm making healthy new changes with Anakin by my side. He's been a really great motivator and personal trainer! Thank You, Master. You are my strong force! 

I hope you have a good weekend!

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Darth Vader is my personal trainer!

I am finally sitting down to blog. I have wanted to write but had a busy morning. I have had a few new adjustments to get used to. I am doing yoga daily. I'm also walking in the morning as well as the afternoon. I've got almost 2 hours of work outs! It's been really challenging. It's not easy to get back into shape. Darth Vader has been kicking my ass though! He's a very tough personal trainer. It's exactly what I need right now. A very strong Dominant Master.

Master Anakin has turned into a new Man/Master. :)  He's lost 19 pounds so far! He's making some really great new changes. He's hoping to cut down on His blood pressure medication that He had to take. Things got a bit scary with Him last year. He's almost 50. He's my old Man! He's got to take care of Himself. We both knew that we had to make some changes.

I am cutting down on my social media time. I am trying to get motivated and it's helped me in so many ways! I wanted to list a few of the positive effects of my new healthy changes!

1. I've lost 8 pounds so far and I'm determined to keep going. I reached my goal weight which was really exciting for me! I have a new goal weight of 160. I'm on a new healthy diet as well as lots of exercise every day.

2. I've noticed that I'm not having as many problems with insomnia. It's great to be sleeping better. I struggled a lot with this.

3. my sex drive has gone way up and better orgasms! I've noticed Master has more testosterone too which is a really good thing. The sex on the weekend was the best that I've had in years! It was absolutely amazing! We are living proof that you can have great kinky sex into your 40's!  Our play has also been great too! I'm really happy in my marriage. Getting healthier has connected us in a very positive way as a couple.

4. I'm a happier person and starting to feel better about myself. Exercise really helps with depression. I've struggled with some dark times. :/ Even my PMS was better. I've taken less medication to help with pain. My whole body feels healthier and better.

5. I'm starting to notice that my body is getting toned and stronger! My balance has gotten better because of yoga.

6. my digestion is better. My body was in really bad shape. It's great to be getting back into shape.

7. a better back - My chiropractor told me that my back was tighter and easier to adjust. My arthritis still bothers me sometimes but it's less than it was last month.

8. I found my abs! I'm starting to get abs again! I love to see the shape that my body is getting into. This motivates me to keep going.

9. I'm a better slave and more motivated too! I've been keeping up with my chores better. Master has told me that I've been a really good girl lately. He's proud of me. That means the world to me. :)

10. I'm a better mom to my kids. It's great to see the teen and my son making healthy choices too. Our lifestyle choices have changed us as a family. I think it's made us all a lot more connected and a better family.

:)  I'm really happy with my new healthy lifestyle! I'm really excited about the future and what could happen this year. There is so much to look forward to on my journey.

my journey to the darkside..

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala