Proceeding with the hysterectomy

I went to see the Specialist today regarding the hysterectomy. I got a lot of answers regarding the surgery. I didn't realize how bad the situation was until today. She wanted to do an internal exam and then did a biopsy on me. There is a small risk of cancer with having fast growing fibroids. She wanted to be sure. The biopsy hurt 10 X worse than a pap smear. She had to take a tube and put it through my cervix to get it into my uterus and scrap the cells. The pain was extreme!! I am a masochist but that was unbearable. I am now bleeding from it. Not fun! :(

She saw the ultrasound results and did an internal to check the size/shape of the fibroids. She had a pretty serious look on her face. She told me that she recommends that I get a hysterectomy. She doesn't always recommend it but she does in my case. The fibroids are quickly growing. My largest which was 10 cm is now 14 cm. There is a really nasty one right on my bladder. I thought that peeing all the time was just a part of aging. She explains that one makes the surgery more complicated.

She said there is a risk of damage to the bladder/urethra. She plans to keep me in the hospital until I can pee ok. She plans to take the uterus, tubes and cervix. She wants to keep my ovaries although they may have to be removed if she finds a problem with them during the surgery. She showed me a diagram of how big the largest fibroids are. Wow!! I couldn't believe it! It made my head spin! No wonder I'm having a lot of health issues. I realized there was no other options regarding this surgery. This is not a good situation at all. :(

She told me that the surgery is "bloody" and there is usually major blood loss. I had to sign a consent for a blood transfusion. She said the recovery will depend on what type of surgery (I am getting laproscopic but might need to be cut open too and have abdominal) and how fast I bounce back from this and what is removed. It's a lot to think about. I haven't needed any type of surgery since my c-section. This is a different type of surgery. It's all very scary. I came home and had a full blown panic attack over this. :/

I've been put on a waiting list to get this done ASAP. I was told to be ready for this at any time. They will phone me if there are any cancellations. 

This is a life changing event. I just hope that everything will be ok. It's all very scary and upsetting. My force is not feeling very strong.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

My first mammogram

I went for my first mammogram today. You can refer yourself for one if you are over 40 years old. I got it done at the hospital. My friend, DL came with me. It helped to go through it with another woman. DL has had breast cancer too. So she was very supportive and helpful to talk to. I was very nervous about it. I was supposed to get one done earlier in the year but I chickened out. I was dealing with my FIL and couldn't deal with it at the time. It was very quick. I found it easier than going through a pap smear. My appointment only took about 10 minutes and it was done!

I'm trying to stick to my healthy new years resolutions. I am currently 156 pounds. I still do yoga. I'm walking every day. I'm dealing with my health issues. I am seeing the specialist next month about a hysterectomy. It's a very big surgery and a lot to think about. I'm trying to cure some of my health issues through a really good diet and exercise plan. My fibroids are causing me a lot of troubles. I even had some mid cycle bleeding this month. It's awful. At least I'm getting some help now. It took me a long time to reach out for help.

I'm glad that I had my mammogram done. It can save lives. My friend is a great example of that. She's had breast cancer. It was detected through a mammogram. So I know that it's important. It's hard to do these types of tests but important. I want to be around for a long time. I am starting to really understand about how important it is to be healthy. I want to grow old with Master Anakin. I want us to live a long life. I'm glad we are making important life changes. Master has also lost weight. We have been working on it together. We are a strong couple. Our force is strong.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

A very busy slave

I've been a very busy slave the last few days. We have been packing up my FIL's belongings and moving furniture from his place. Yesterday was our "moving day" and an extremely busy day. We spent the majority of the day moving stuff and going to appointments. We were able to have a date night and managed to squeeze in some play time and really amazing sex! It was nice to escape to the darkside for a while. I think we both really needed it. It's been a very stressful week since my FIL passed away last Sunday.

I got a hand and belt spanking last night. He used His belt on my ass again this morning. My bum is nicely sore. It's a nice reminder of our time together. I'm hoping to be back to blogging again soon. I haven't been able to be online very much. There is so much to get done before the memorial and also with Estate stuff.  The teen is also graduating next month. There are lots of life changes happening right now. It's been a very hard process and lots of changes happening.  My force feels strong through it all. Master and I are connected and strong.  I know we can get through any challenges that we face.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

A strange morning on the darkside

It's been a really strange morning on the darkside. I never thought that I'd ever be taking another pregnancy test again. I really thought those days were over. I'm 40 years old and Anakin has had a vasectomy. We both regretted the vasectomy. We even looked into vasectomy reversal in 2009. Our marriage was going through a tough time. His mom was dying of terminal cancer. We had some really serious talks about having another baby. It never happened though.

Last year the teen had a bit of a pregnancy scare and made me realize that I could be a Grandma one day! I started to give up hope that I would have anymore children. It's hard to let go of a dream though. We always wanted another child. There was many miscarriages and loss. It would have been risky for me to have another pregnancy. We both decided that it was fate and meant to be. We would only be having two children.

We have a 17 year old daughter and a 11 (almost 12) year old son! My kids are growing up on me. There are some really big life changes going on right now. I have been really stressed out about it. I was diagnosed with having an ulcer. I've been told to try to reduce my stress. I've had a lot of health issues this year. I have lost weight and exercised a lot to deal with stress.

I had some really light spotting for about 2 days at the beginning of February. I thought my period was coming. But it didn't come. I'm weeks late now. :/  This is not typical for me. I've had very normal periods up to this point. I could tell that Anakin was very worried about it.

He went out and bought me a pregnancy test this morning. My hands were shaking and my head was spinning! Master Anakin was pacing around our kitchen. I took the test and almost expected it to show up as positive. I was really surprised when it came out negative. I came downstairs and showed Anakin the test. He didn't say a word to me. He just held me and we hugged for several minutes.

I think we were both a bit surprised by the results of the test. Master went to work a bit late this morning after I took the test. I think we are both doing a lot of thinking. Life really does pass you by so quickly. Changes are always happening. My body is doing a lot of changing too. It's weird to think about menopause. How is that going to affect me and my hormones? I'm a bit scared of the road ahead of me. I've got to admit that I'm a tiny bit disappointed that the test wasn't positive. I'm feeling a bit emotional about it all.

I know that Anakin and I can get through anything though. Our force is forever strong...

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Life changes

There have been a lot of life changes this year. So much is changing and there is lots to adjust to. We thought that my FIL was getting released from the hospital but he wasn't. It's been a very difficult situation. It's been a stressful time for our whole family.

The hospital is a very depressing place to visit. It brings back some really bad memories too. The hospice is right beside it which is where Anakin's mom passed away. It's not a very happy place to visit. My FIL looked very sad and quiet yesterday. I wish that we could do more for him. Cancer sucks!

My FIL is going to need a lot of help and support. My SIL wants to put him into a senior's home. My FIL wants to go back home though. This has caused a lot of family drama lately. It's also brought up some really big talks. Anakin asked me about his Dad moving in with us. We would get a big house and share it with his Dad and take care of him. This is obviously a very big decision!! It would change our lives in many different ways. I'm not sure what is going to happen.

There is a lot of family drama going on with my family too lately. I've really needed a break. Master and I got the chance to play and connect on Friday. He stayed home from work and we spent some time together on the darkside. It's what we both needed. It felt great to go into subspace for a while and forget our stress and family drama.

There is some really big stuff going on in our family. The teen is graduating in a few months and still trying to figure out her future. I'm really worried about her. I've had some really serious health issues going on. That's also stressed me out. Life is moving so quickly. It's hard to accept all the changes that are happening in my life. It's even strange to me that my son is turning 12 years old next month! He's about to be a teenager! The years go by so quickly. Hold onto those little moments while you can. I feel like I have a much deeper appreciation for life now that I'm 40 years old.

I've done a lot of changing lately. I don't even see the same person in the mirror anymore. I've lost 14 pounds and my body shape has even changed. Anakin's been changing a lot too. I am so proud of us for changing our lives and getting healthy. We have grown closer and fallen in love with each other all over again! I truly love my Husband and Master. He is my strong force. I know that we will get through whatever challenges are ahead for us. We are a strong couple. I love Anakin so very much. I know that I can get through anything with Him by my side.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala