My first mammogram

I went for my first mammogram today. You can refer yourself for one if you are over 40 years old. I got it done at the hospital. My friend, DL came with me. It helped to go through it with another woman. DL has had breast cancer too. So she was very supportive and helpful to talk to. I was very nervous about it. I was supposed to get one done earlier in the year but I chickened out. I was dealing with my FIL and couldn't deal with it at the time. It was very quick. I found it easier than going through a pap smear. My appointment only took about 10 minutes and it was done!

I'm trying to stick to my healthy new years resolutions. I am currently 156 pounds. I still do yoga. I'm walking every day. I'm dealing with my health issues. I am seeing the specialist next month about a hysterectomy. It's a very big surgery and a lot to think about. I'm trying to cure some of my health issues through a really good diet and exercise plan. My fibroids are causing me a lot of troubles. I even had some mid cycle bleeding this month. It's awful. At least I'm getting some help now. It took me a long time to reach out for help.

I'm glad that I had my mammogram done. It can save lives. My friend is a great example of that. She's had breast cancer. It was detected through a mammogram. So I know that it's important. It's hard to do these types of tests but important. I want to be around for a long time. I am starting to really understand about how important it is to be healthy. I want to grow old with Master Anakin. I want us to live a long life. I'm glad we are making important life changes. Master has also lost weight. We have been working on it together. We are a strong couple. Our force is strong.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

A strange morning on the darkside

It's been a really strange morning on the darkside. I never thought that I'd ever be taking another pregnancy test again. I really thought those days were over. I'm 40 years old and Anakin has had a vasectomy. We both regretted the vasectomy. We even looked into vasectomy reversal in 2009. Our marriage was going through a tough time. His mom was dying of terminal cancer. We had some really serious talks about having another baby. It never happened though.

Last year the teen had a bit of a pregnancy scare and made me realize that I could be a Grandma one day! I started to give up hope that I would have anymore children. It's hard to let go of a dream though. We always wanted another child. There was many miscarriages and loss. It would have been risky for me to have another pregnancy. We both decided that it was fate and meant to be. We would only be having two children.

We have a 17 year old daughter and a 11 (almost 12) year old son! My kids are growing up on me. There are some really big life changes going on right now. I have been really stressed out about it. I was diagnosed with having an ulcer. I've been told to try to reduce my stress. I've had a lot of health issues this year. I have lost weight and exercised a lot to deal with stress.

I had some really light spotting for about 2 days at the beginning of February. I thought my period was coming. But it didn't come. I'm weeks late now. :/  This is not typical for me. I've had very normal periods up to this point. I could tell that Anakin was very worried about it.

He went out and bought me a pregnancy test this morning. My hands were shaking and my head was spinning! Master Anakin was pacing around our kitchen. I took the test and almost expected it to show up as positive. I was really surprised when it came out negative. I came downstairs and showed Anakin the test. He didn't say a word to me. He just held me and we hugged for several minutes.

I think we were both a bit surprised by the results of the test. Master went to work a bit late this morning after I took the test. I think we are both doing a lot of thinking. Life really does pass you by so quickly. Changes are always happening. My body is doing a lot of changing too. It's weird to think about menopause. How is that going to affect me and my hormones? I'm a bit scared of the road ahead of me. I've got to admit that I'm a tiny bit disappointed that the test wasn't positive. I'm feeling a bit emotional about it all.

I know that Anakin and I can get through anything though. Our force is forever strong...

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Yoga slave girl

I have been feeling great about myself lately. A lot of confidence has come through with losing weight and getting healthy this year. I made some changes in the new year and decided to get into shape. I've been walking daily as well as doing yoga. I'm a yoga girl! I love how yoga makes me feel. I have better balance and feel very centered after a yoga workout. It's starting to shape my body and make me feel really good about myself.

Master gave me permission to give myself a new hair cut and style. I went to the salon and got my hair cut short. I haven't had my hair cut in a salon since my 39th birthday!! I couldn't believe how much hair came off my head!! I dyed my hair red and also treated myself to some new clothes. I'm in a size medium now!! :)

I got my son to take some pictures of myself including this one of me holding onto my new yoga mat. I also posted a picture on Tumblr of my backside. I am 40 years old and feeling so much better about myself! I haven't felt this good in years!! I've noticed a really big improvement in my arthritis with doing the yoga. I've got more energy and feel years younger. I've had several people compliment me on my appearance lately.

This is just the beginning of my new journey. I'm going forward with a new healthy lifestyle with Master Anakin. Master Anakin has lost 28 pounds so far. We have lost 45 pounds together in 2013!! That's amazing! I'm so proud of us. Our marriage and relationship is stronger than it's ever been! I'm also feeling really good about myself!! It feels great after feeling so crappy for so many years. I can't wait to keep going and see what I look like at the end of this year! I'm not looking back. I'm moving forward and loving life! :)

I did weigh-in this morning. I'm down another 2 pounds. A total of 16 pounds so far this year!! Amazing!

....

I had a date night on Friday with Master. I will be blogging about that next! :)

My force is strong!

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Life changes

There have been a lot of life changes this year. So much is changing and there is lots to adjust to. We thought that my FIL was getting released from the hospital but he wasn't. It's been a very difficult situation. It's been a stressful time for our whole family.

The hospital is a very depressing place to visit. It brings back some really bad memories too. The hospice is right beside it which is where Anakin's mom passed away. It's not a very happy place to visit. My FIL looked very sad and quiet yesterday. I wish that we could do more for him. Cancer sucks!

My FIL is going to need a lot of help and support. My SIL wants to put him into a senior's home. My FIL wants to go back home though. This has caused a lot of family drama lately. It's also brought up some really big talks. Anakin asked me about his Dad moving in with us. We would get a big house and share it with his Dad and take care of him. This is obviously a very big decision!! It would change our lives in many different ways. I'm not sure what is going to happen.

There is a lot of family drama going on with my family too lately. I've really needed a break. Master and I got the chance to play and connect on Friday. He stayed home from work and we spent some time together on the darkside. It's what we both needed. It felt great to go into subspace for a while and forget our stress and family drama.

There is some really big stuff going on in our family. The teen is graduating in a few months and still trying to figure out her future. I'm really worried about her. I've had some really serious health issues going on. That's also stressed me out. Life is moving so quickly. It's hard to accept all the changes that are happening in my life. It's even strange to me that my son is turning 12 years old next month! He's about to be a teenager! The years go by so quickly. Hold onto those little moments while you can. I feel like I have a much deeper appreciation for life now that I'm 40 years old.

I've done a lot of changing lately. I don't even see the same person in the mirror anymore. I've lost 14 pounds and my body shape has even changed. Anakin's been changing a lot too. I am so proud of us for changing our lives and getting healthy. We have grown closer and fallen in love with each other all over again! I truly love my Husband and Master. He is my strong force. I know that we will get through whatever challenges are ahead for us. We are a strong couple. I love Anakin so very much. I know that I can get through anything with Him by my side.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

TGIF!! It's finally Friday!

TGIF! It's finally Friday! yah! It's been a pretty long week. I'm looking forward to some time with Master Anakin. I'm hoping we can find some alone time too! I'd really love to play on the darkside with Him! :) 

I am back from my morning walk. I'm about to do yoga with my workout buddy. I'm trying to stay on a healthy track even though I have some health issues. I saw the Doctor the other day. I'm getting some tests run. I wish that it didn't take me so long to get healthy. I'm 40 now and finally on the right track but it took me a while. It's been very challenging to make new healthy changes. I know that I need to though. My health isn't the greatest and I want to be around for a long time.

I'm really glad that I'm making healthy new changes with Anakin by my side. He's been a really great motivator and personal trainer! Thank You, Master. You are my strong force! 

I hope you have a good weekend!

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala