He's had pneumonia as well as issues with having cancer. He's deteriorated a lot in the last few weeks. He is still in ICU and not doing very well. I am not sure if/when he is getting out. The visits to the ICU are exhausting and very emotionally draining. The ICU has to be one of the most depressing places that I've ever been in my life. A lot of the people are very critical. Some of them wind up getting moved over to the hospice. I keep wondering if we might be dealing with that one day soon. :/
I spent most of the day crying yesterday and feeling very depressed. My FIL is like a Dad to me. He's become a very important part of our family. It feels like a very hopeless situation. I have tried to keep the faith and be positive but it's been very hard sometimes. He is skin and bones and is wasting away in a hospital bed. Cancer sucks! Sometimes he is able to communicate with us but other times he doesn't even recognize us. :( I'm never sure if I'm ever going to see him again when we leave the hospital. It's a *horrible* feeling!!!
Staying on a healthy track is very difficult when I'm so stressed and depressed over this. Yesterday I was really tempted to pick up some vodka and get really drunk. I've sworn off hard liquor though. I still drink wine but that's very limited. I want to try to cope with the stress and go back to old bad habits like turning to vodka to try to comfort me. I'm not doing to do that though. I was able to do yoga today and that helped me a lot. I was very proud of myself for staying on track even though I was really not wanting to. Staying healthy when you are very depressed and stressed is hard. I'm really proud of myself. It hasn't been easy at times.
My force hasn't felt very strong lately but Master has been very supportive. Our force is strong. This is a very rough time but I know we'll get through this. We are a very strong couple.
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
