Weekend camping trip with the family!

I am back from a weekend camping trip with the family! We had a really great time! It felt great to get away for a weekend and have some fun! We headed to Squamish and stayed in a really nice campground there. It was a very private campsite right by a creek. You could see Shannon Falls from there! It was one of the best campgrounds we have ever stayed at. We got to go over and visit Shannon Falls which was amazing! I posted a picture of it for you to see! That was really nice to be able to see that from the campsite.

We had a campfire and made smores which were delicious! We got to sit around the campfire and really connect as a family. It was nice to get away from everything and spend some quality time together as a family.  I love camping!

On Saturday we headed up to Whistler for the day. Whistler is one of my favorite places to visit!! I love it there!! We shopped in Whistler village. We even got to go up the mountain on a gondola! There is an incredible view from there!! I posted a picture of the view from the gondola of the village! We ate lunch at the top of Whistler mountain. The air was so fresh up there!! There was also lots of Olympic stuff from the Olympics held there in 2010!! Very cool! 

We went on another gondola called Peak to Peak. I posted a picture of this gondola. The gondola goes across the valley from mountain to mountain. It's pretty high up! We were all a bit nervous to go on that one! lol. This was new to Whistler and was not there the last time I visited.

We went from Whistler Mountain to Blackcomb Mountain. We even threw some snowballs because there was lots of snow there!! So cool to be throwing a snowball in the middle of July! There was an incredible view from Blackcomb!! We took tons of pictures there!! We went back to Whistler village for more shopping. We went to Starbucks as well as the Rocky Mountain chocolate factory. We spent the whole day there! Then we headed over to a lake nearby called Alta Lake. Fresh blue cool water and a beautiful view there too! It was really relaxing. :)

We came back to a second night of sitting around the campfire. I got up early on Sunday and enjoyed some time by the creek. There was lots of wildlife there. We got on the road to headed into North Vancouver. We ate breakfast at the Lonsdale Quay. A beautiful day to be there! We enjoyed a nice view of Downtown Vancouver from there while eating breakfast. I picked up some fresh fruits and veggies there before we headed home.

We took about 300 pictures. It was hard to choose some of the best ones to post on Facebook and also on here too! They all turned out great! I had such a relaxing and fun time. We never had an opportunity to get naughty but that's ok. We got away and enjoyed some family fun. It was nice to create some family memories with our kids. I really hope we can get away again really soon!

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Long weekend with Master

I have been lucky to get another long weekend with Master Anakin. We were able to get naughty on Thursday night. We got some Domino's pizza. We watched one of my favorite comedies called The Party. Then we went upstairs and had sex. He gave me a really big orgasm with the Hitachi. It was nice to cuddle up together after that. I slept really good afterwords.

We had a lot of errands to run yesterday but it was nice to spend the day together. Anakin decided that we could all go out for dinner. He took us to Fort Langley to a fish n chip place. It was really good!! It was really cool to see an autographed picture too from some of the cast of the Bates Motel!! They ate there too! We took the kids out for dinner there and then went for a walk along the Fraser River. It was really nice. :)

I woke up to a beautiful sunny day today. Not sure of our plans but glad I get to spend it with Master. Our force is feeling strong!

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Feeling anxious and depressed over hysterectomy

I have had many different times in my life that I have been depressed or felt anxiety but nothing like the last few days. I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster. I am feeling very anxious and depressed over my upcoming hysterectomy. There are some serious risks involved with mine due to size/location of the one on my bladder. I felt a sense of acceptance over this but then I started to doubt the surgery again. Am I doing the right thing? Have I made the right decision?

Some people have been incredibly supportive and understanding about how I have been feeling. Especially those other women who have had a hysterectomy and know what I'm going through. I am very thankful for them! It really means a lot to talk to others who have been through this. I know they can relate to my feelings over this surgery.

I've gotten some really helpful and supportive messages and e-mails. Other people have attacked me. I tried to reach out to my sister yesterday. She sent me a brutal e-mail back. I was told that the hysterectomy is "not a big deal" and that I can basically deal with it myself. She even told me that I should go see a counselor to deal with my problems. I should have expected a lack of support from her. She has never really been there for me in the past. Unfortunately my extended family (not Anakin or my kids) have never really been there for me.

I had a really rough night and couldn't sleep. I posted on Facebook about it. I was surprised by a very harsh comment on there from someone who hardly even knows me!! She tells me that she doesn't mean to attack me but that's how it felt. I've also had someone else make me feel badly for having any kind of feelings about this surgery. Someone else told me to "not worry about it". What the hell!! Why don't people just show support and not attack?  I feel like I'm being kicked while I'm down.

This is major surgery. It can take a woman up to a year to be fully healed from this. It can take weeks or even months to really recover from the surgical part of it. How am I supposed to feel about this? A lot of people may not know this but my Dad died on the operating table. It was a different type of surgery but it still happened. I am sure he didn't expect to not wake up again once he was put under. There are risks and this is a very big surgery.

I've been wondering if I should just avoid social media until the surgery is over. It really doesn't help me to come onto Facebook or check my e-mails and be attacked. Why is asking for support so difficult for some people? This is one of the scariest things I have ever been through in my life. All I'm asking for is some support and love during a very scary time in my life. Why is that too hard to ask?

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Fun Fan Expo day with the family!

Saturday was a lot of fun! We headed to the Fan Expo in Vancouver, B.C. It was being held at Canada Place. It's always a lot of fun to go downtown. We headed there on the skytrain with the kids. It was really crowded but we finally got in around noon on Saturday. It was amazing! Lots of really cool stuff. The costumes that people wore were also amazing!

We saw LOTS of Star Wars characters there. I'm posting a picture of R2D2!! How cool is that?? :P We saw lots of Darth Vaders running around. We saw some celebrities there too! Michael Rooker (Merle) from the Walking Dead was there! He looked really sexy! We also saw Stan Lee there!! He's the man! So cool to see him in person!

It was a really fun family day! It was nice to escape all our worries for a day! We went to Metrotown for a stop before heading home. We treated ourselves to Nando Chicken and picked up some Lush too! Saturday was a really nice day. I'm really glad we got to go to the Fan Expo! That was a really neat experience! :)

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

9 year wedding/TPE anniversary

It's hard to believe that it was 9 years ago today that I married Master Anakin. I can remember how beautiful the day was. Everything was perfect. We had all our friends and family around us. Our kids were able to be a part of our wedding. We became a real family that day. My wedding night was very special too. I signed a TPE (Total power exchange) agreement and our relationship dynamic changed a lot after that day.

A lot has happened in the last 9 years. We have lost many loved ones along the way. Today is normally a very happy day but it is also sad for me. I can remember my FIL welcoming me into the family on my wedding day. I felt like he became my Dad that day. We lost him on Sunday when he passed away. I have been grieving a lot in the last few days. We are in the process of packing up his stuff so we can sell his place. I miss him so much already although I know he is in a better place. We are planning for his memorial which is coming up.

Anakin and I did celebrate our anniversary although I never had the chance to blog about it. We went out on Saturday after we visited my FIL in the hospital. We went out for a romantic dinner and then to the casino. I won money too! I won almost a hundred bucks! We came home to play time and some great sex.  It was a very nice way to celebrate our anniversary.

The very next day we lost my FIL. It was one of the hardest experiences in my life to say a final goodbye to him. I do know that he would be very happy for Anakin and I today. He was one of the biggest supporters in our relationship. I am so glad that he (and many others who have passed away) were able to be a part of our family wedding 9 years ago today.

Happy anniversary, Master.i truly love being Your wife and TPE slave. xoxo

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Sad news about my FIL

It's been a really difficult few months since my FIL (Father-in-law) went into the hospital back in January. We knew it was coming but was still a shock to get the phone call last night. We got the call just before 10 pm that he didn't have much time left. We raced to the hospital and got there shortly after he passed away. Anakin and I and both of our kids said our final goodbyes. I spent about 10 minutes alone with my FIL. It was a very surreal moment for me and extremely difficult.

I told him how much I loved him and thanked him for being so good to me and my family. It was one of the most difficult moments of my life. We stayed for about 2 hours and left the hospital just after midnight. It was a very strange feeling to know that we were leaving the hospital and not coming back again. It's become such a big part of our lives the last few months. Cancer sucks. I am glad he is not in anymore pain but it's a very difficult process to lose someone you love so much.

My FIL was like a Dad to me. He helped me to raise my kids. He was a class act and very good man. Some deaths really hit you harder than other ones. I almost don't have the words to describe how I feel right now. I am crying as I type this blog post. My heart feels very sad.

We have a meeting at the funeral home this afternoon. There is lots to do for the memorial. I am not sure how much I will be online for the next few days or weeks. This is a very difficult time for our whole family.

May the force be with my FIL...I am so grateful for each and every day that I got to spend with him over the last 20 years. He will truly be missed...

~padme amidala

Easter long weekend

I'm really looking forward to the Easter long weekend! Master is home for 4 days. The teen is going away for a few days but we will be celebrating Easter together on Monday as a family. I've always loved Easter. Anakin and I had an Easter themed wedding in 2004. This year our anniversary doesn't fall on Easter. It's coming up very soon though. Hard to believe it's been almost 9 years since we got married and signed our TPE agreement.

Anakin and I have been talking about a big trip next year to renew our wedding vows for our 10 year anniversary. We are hoping to go to either Las Vegas or Hawaii for that. I'm really excited! It's been a really amazing journey for us. Lots of ups and downs but we have remained strong through it all. My marriage and relationship with Anakin is stronger than it's ever been. I truly love Him with all of my heart and really enjoy being His TPE slave.

I'm hoping to play on the darkside with Master this weekend! I need a spanking! :P

Have a really great Easter long weekend and holiday!

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

A blogging break

The last few days have been extremely stressful for me. I'm dealing with a lot of serious stuff happening in my life. My FIL is starting to really decline and that situation is not looking very good. Master Anakin has taken the day off work today. We are planning to visit him. The visits take a lot out of me though. I'm never sure if it's the last time I'm ever going to see him. My heart is breaking. I have always considered my FIL to be a member of my immediate family and like a Dad. It's very hard situation to be dealing with.

We are also dealing with some family issues going on right now. I want to make it clear that my marriage and relationship are solid though. It's been a really rough time for Anakin too but we are holding strong together to get through this rough patch. 

I've been really depressed the last few days. I haven't felt like being online very much. I'm sorry if I haven't responded to your tweet/DM/e-mail or messages. I may be out of touch while I'm dealing with things.  I'm trying to hold it together right now and that hasn't been easy for me. I am just hoping that things will get easier at some point.

I've decided to take a break from blogging until things get a bit better. The journey to the darkside will continue...

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Staying strong through the dark times

The last few days have been very challenging and stressful for me. I've had a very hard staying on track during it. It was wonderful to get away for a night on Friday. I was able to escape my problems and worries for a while. Then we came back to a lot of reality. My FIL is facing some very serious health issues right now.

He's had pneumonia as well as issues with having cancer. He's deteriorated a lot in the last few weeks. He is still in ICU and not doing very well. I am not sure if/when he is getting out.  The visits to the ICU are exhausting and very emotionally draining.  The ICU has to be one of the most depressing places that I've ever been in my life. A lot of the people are very critical. Some of them wind up getting moved over to the hospice. I keep wondering if we might be dealing with that one day soon. :/

I spent most of the day crying yesterday and feeling very depressed. My FIL is like a Dad to me. He's become a very important part of our family. It feels like a very hopeless situation. I have tried to keep the faith and be positive but it's been very hard sometimes. He is skin and bones and is wasting away in a hospital bed. Cancer sucks! Sometimes he is able to communicate with us but other times he doesn't even recognize us. :(  I'm never sure if I'm ever going to see him again when we leave the hospital. It's a *horrible* feeling!!!

Staying on a healthy track is very difficult when I'm so stressed and depressed over this. Yesterday I was really tempted to pick up some vodka and get really drunk. I've sworn off hard liquor though. I still drink wine but that's very limited. I want to try to cope with the stress and go back to old bad habits like turning to vodka to try to comfort me. I'm not doing to do that though. I was able to do yoga today and that helped me a lot. I was very proud of myself for staying on track even though I was really not wanting to.  Staying healthy when you are very depressed and stressed is hard. I'm really proud of myself. It hasn't been easy at times.

My force hasn't felt very strong lately but Master has been very supportive. Our force is strong. This is a very rough time but I know we'll get through this. We are a very strong couple.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Life can be a roller coaster!

Life can be a real roller coaster sometimes! Many ups and downs as well as hard times. This weekend had many ups and downs. I was glad to take a bit of a break yesterday from it all. We went on a family walk in the park. I enjoyed the sunshine and walking on a hike with Master. We came back and I felt like a bit of a crash.

Master is home from work today. We are dealing with some really serious issues. My FIL needs some legal work done. He's still in ICU and not in great shape. This whole situation is very difficult. I always have to emotionally prepare myself for a visit with my FIL. The ICU is a very depressing place to be. It really shakes me up sometimes.

It's hard to stay healthy in the midst of a crisis. I want to go back to old habits. The temptation is very strong sometimes to drink a shot of vodka. I don't drink hard liquor anymore. It's hard though. I really want to have a shot right now. It used to help me cope with my stress. I need to find healthier ways to deal with it. I haven't done yoga in a few days. I'm going to try to do that today. It's also a sunny day so I'm going to try to go out for a big hike with Master somewhere.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

A hard spanking to tears

Master Anakin was home on Friday and we got some time to play. He spanked me for hours with His hand, belt, whip and ebony hairbrush. He used the belt very hard until I was in tears. He wanted to stop spanking me at one point but I asked for more and harder. I felt like I really needed some stress release. The play was a bit rougher than normal. I think we both needed it.

The sex was amazing and so was the orgasm. I floated in subspace with a very red sore bottom. We showered together and bonded. We visited His Dad and ran errands. I had a very sore bum all day. It was a nice reminder of our time on the darkside. :)

Saturday was very exciting! We went to Best Busy and got a new 55 inch LED LG TV! Wow! It's an upgrade from our other smaller one. We watched Skyfall and had pizza. It was a really nice treat for us. I love cuddling up with Him and watching my favorite Bond movie! I can't wait to watch Star Wars on it too!

Today was weigh-in. I'm down another 3 pounds. A total of 19 pounds this year! Wow! I've also reached my new goal weight! I'm really proud of Master and I both! He lost 2 pounds this week. A total of 35 pounds this year! We went for a really nice walk in the park today with the kids! It was a beautiful day outside. We saw some ducks and enjoyed some family time. It was really nice. :) 

I'm feeling very close and connected to Master. It feels good.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Making bath bombs!

Happy Family day to those celebrating it today! Master Anakin and our kids are all home today. I got to cross something else off my bucket list today! I helped Master Anakin and our son make some bath bombs from scratch!! Very cool! I'm surprised how well these turned out. Our son was making some for his project at school but we are going to use a few of them in our baths too!

You can learn how to make bath bombs at this website.  I was able to cross something else off my bucket list that I've always wanted to try! Making bath bombs!

#472. - Try making a bath bomb from scratch

I've really enjoyed a 4 day long weekend with Master. It's been really nice spending some time with Him. Our force is strong!

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Life changes

There have been a lot of life changes this year. So much is changing and there is lots to adjust to. We thought that my FIL was getting released from the hospital but he wasn't. It's been a very difficult situation. It's been a stressful time for our whole family.

The hospital is a very depressing place to visit. It brings back some really bad memories too. The hospice is right beside it which is where Anakin's mom passed away. It's not a very happy place to visit. My FIL looked very sad and quiet yesterday. I wish that we could do more for him. Cancer sucks!

My FIL is going to need a lot of help and support. My SIL wants to put him into a senior's home. My FIL wants to go back home though. This has caused a lot of family drama lately. It's also brought up some really big talks. Anakin asked me about his Dad moving in with us. We would get a big house and share it with his Dad and take care of him. This is obviously a very big decision!! It would change our lives in many different ways. I'm not sure what is going to happen.

There is a lot of family drama going on with my family too lately. I've really needed a break. Master and I got the chance to play and connect on Friday. He stayed home from work and we spent some time together on the darkside. It's what we both needed. It felt great to go into subspace for a while and forget our stress and family drama.

There is some really big stuff going on in our family. The teen is graduating in a few months and still trying to figure out her future. I'm really worried about her. I've had some really serious health issues going on. That's also stressed me out. Life is moving so quickly. It's hard to accept all the changes that are happening in my life. It's even strange to me that my son is turning 12 years old next month! He's about to be a teenager! The years go by so quickly. Hold onto those little moments while you can. I feel like I have a much deeper appreciation for life now that I'm 40 years old.

I've done a lot of changing lately. I don't even see the same person in the mirror anymore. I've lost 14 pounds and my body shape has even changed. Anakin's been changing a lot too. I am so proud of us for changing our lives and getting healthy. We have grown closer and fallen in love with each other all over again! I truly love my Husband and Master. He is my strong force. I know that we will get through whatever challenges are ahead for us. We are a strong couple. I love Anakin so very much. I know that I can get through anything with Him by my side.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

A rough weekend

Date night went really well on Friday night. We went out for sushi and then came home to play. There was bondage and lots of spanking. The sex was amazing and we had several orgasms. There was even more play on Saturday morning. We got a call though and had to race over to my FIL (Father-in-Law)'s place. He had taken a really bad fall and needed help. I didn't know how bad it was until we got there.

He couldn't stand up without being in extreme pain. He was short of breath and was in really rough shape. We decided to call 911 and get assistance for him. It was really hard to see him like that. He was taken to the hospital by ambulance and we followed behind. He had broken his leg and needs surgery. He is getting surgery done this morning. They are also running a bunch of tests on him. He's fallen a few times but this time was the worst. They are very concerned that the cancer has spread. :(

It became very clear to us that things need to change with my FIL. He's going to need home care support and a lot of help. It's a lot to think about. I had an emotional breakdown over it yesterday. My FIL is very important to our family. He is more of a Dad to me than my own ever was. He's a really great man. He helped me to raise our kids. It really upsets me to think of life without him. I know we have to face the reality though that he has terminal cancer and our time with him is limited. We need to appreciate any time that we get to spend with him.

I am thinking of my FIL and hoping the surgery goes well. We'll have to take it all one step at a time. I'm not sure how long he'll be in the hospital or may even need long term care. I am glad Anakin is there. He's been really great taking care of His Dad. I'm so proud of Him.

We'll get through this. Our force is strong.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala