Feeling anxious and depressed over hysterectomy

I have had many different times in my life that I have been depressed or felt anxiety but nothing like the last few days. I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster. I am feeling very anxious and depressed over my upcoming hysterectomy. There are some serious risks involved with mine due to size/location of the one on my bladder. I felt a sense of acceptance over this but then I started to doubt the surgery again. Am I doing the right thing? Have I made the right decision?

Some people have been incredibly supportive and understanding about how I have been feeling. Especially those other women who have had a hysterectomy and know what I'm going through. I am very thankful for them! It really means a lot to talk to others who have been through this. I know they can relate to my feelings over this surgery.

I've gotten some really helpful and supportive messages and e-mails. Other people have attacked me. I tried to reach out to my sister yesterday. She sent me a brutal e-mail back. I was told that the hysterectomy is "not a big deal" and that I can basically deal with it myself. She even told me that I should go see a counselor to deal with my problems. I should have expected a lack of support from her. She has never really been there for me in the past. Unfortunately my extended family (not Anakin or my kids) have never really been there for me.

I had a really rough night and couldn't sleep. I posted on Facebook about it. I was surprised by a very harsh comment on there from someone who hardly even knows me!! She tells me that she doesn't mean to attack me but that's how it felt. I've also had someone else make me feel badly for having any kind of feelings about this surgery. Someone else told me to "not worry about it". What the hell!! Why don't people just show support and not attack?  I feel like I'm being kicked while I'm down.

This is major surgery. It can take a woman up to a year to be fully healed from this. It can take weeks or even months to really recover from the surgical part of it. How am I supposed to feel about this? A lot of people may not know this but my Dad died on the operating table. It was a different type of surgery but it still happened. I am sure he didn't expect to not wake up again once he was put under. There are risks and this is a very big surgery.

I've been wondering if I should just avoid social media until the surgery is over. It really doesn't help me to come onto Facebook or check my e-mails and be attacked. Why is asking for support so difficult for some people? This is one of the scariest things I have ever been through in my life. All I'm asking for is some support and love during a very scary time in my life. Why is that too hard to ask?

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala