A naughty Friday night with Anakin!

Friday night was a really fun and naughty night for me! I got to have a date night with Master Anakin! It was really nice to have a distraction and some fun! We went to see the movie, Jobs. Really, really good movie! We were both really impressed with it. He took me out for sushi afterwords. Then we went home to play on the darkside!!

I got spanked!!!! YAH!!! He used His hand and belt on my bottom! We had some amazing sex!! He gave me a really big g-spot orgasms too! It was so nice to escape into some play for a few hours. We woke up to some more play too on Saturday. I really enjoyed the connection with Him!

I went to the Dentist on Saturday afternoon. I needed to get 3 cavities filled and wanted this done before my upcoming surgery. One of them was very deep. *Major* ouchies!!!! I started to feel terrible by Saturday night. I was told there is a chance that the cavity could result in a root canal if the pain doesn't go away. It's two days later and it's still bothering me. :/  Not fun! Tooth pain is the worst!!

I've also had PMS going on. I spent a lot of time over the weekend resting and watching one of my new favorite shows Lost!! It's very addictive and on Netflix. It helped to distract me from everything that is going on.

I am feeling a lot of anxiety over my upcoming Hysterectomy next month. It's been hard to think about anything else lately. I wake up thinking about it. I go to bed thinking about it. It's only a few weeks away now. I am feeling a bit of a nesting instinct to get everything organized before the surgery. I want to make sure my place is cleaned and organized.

 Master Anakin bought me a few things for it. I got a nice new large nightgown. He even got a book from Chapters about Hysterectomy so I could understand it a bit better. He's been very supportive and wonderful. I am so glad He is there for me. I don't know what I would do without Him. He is my strong force. :)

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Anxious slave

I have been feeling a lot of anxiety the last few weeks. I did feel better when we went on our camping trip but it came back once we got home. The last few months have been really stressful. It seems like one thing after another has happened. I am still trying to process the loss of my FIL who passed away in April. I've been dealing with many different health issues. I am waiting to hear about a surgery date for a hysterectomy. I'm on a cancellation list so that can happen at any time. I feel like this is looming over my head. It's a really terrible feeling. It's hard to plan for anything this summer in case I get called in for the surgery.

I am dealing with the symptoms of having growing fibroids. I try not to complain about it but it's made me feel uncomfortable and caused me to have discomfort on a regular basis. I have my period coming up again and that makes me feel depressed as I often don't leave the house much during that time of the month. Having fibroids really sucks! I've tried to get rid of these things but they just seem to keep growing! :(

I didn't expect for 2013 to be so stressful. I had no idea that so many different things would happen this year which would cause me to have anxiety. I am trying to cope with the anxiety in healthy ways. My Doctor gave me pills for it but I don't like to take them because I don't want to become addicted to them. I have done yoga but not in a while. I should probably start doing it again. I just hate having to do it alone.

I still try to go for daily walks but it's been pretty warm out so I don't walk as far. I wish there was a way to get rid of the anxiety when it gets really bad. I am trying to cope with anxiety but some days are much harder than others.

How do you deal with anxiety? Any tips on how to deal with it in a healthy way?

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Feeling anxious and depressed over hysterectomy

I have had many different times in my life that I have been depressed or felt anxiety but nothing like the last few days. I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster. I am feeling very anxious and depressed over my upcoming hysterectomy. There are some serious risks involved with mine due to size/location of the one on my bladder. I felt a sense of acceptance over this but then I started to doubt the surgery again. Am I doing the right thing? Have I made the right decision?

Some people have been incredibly supportive and understanding about how I have been feeling. Especially those other women who have had a hysterectomy and know what I'm going through. I am very thankful for them! It really means a lot to talk to others who have been through this. I know they can relate to my feelings over this surgery.

I've gotten some really helpful and supportive messages and e-mails. Other people have attacked me. I tried to reach out to my sister yesterday. She sent me a brutal e-mail back. I was told that the hysterectomy is "not a big deal" and that I can basically deal with it myself. She even told me that I should go see a counselor to deal with my problems. I should have expected a lack of support from her. She has never really been there for me in the past. Unfortunately my extended family (not Anakin or my kids) have never really been there for me.

I had a really rough night and couldn't sleep. I posted on Facebook about it. I was surprised by a very harsh comment on there from someone who hardly even knows me!! She tells me that she doesn't mean to attack me but that's how it felt. I've also had someone else make me feel badly for having any kind of feelings about this surgery. Someone else told me to "not worry about it". What the hell!! Why don't people just show support and not attack?  I feel like I'm being kicked while I'm down.

This is major surgery. It can take a woman up to a year to be fully healed from this. It can take weeks or even months to really recover from the surgical part of it. How am I supposed to feel about this? A lot of people may not know this but my Dad died on the operating table. It was a different type of surgery but it still happened. I am sure he didn't expect to not wake up again once he was put under. There are risks and this is a very big surgery.

I've been wondering if I should just avoid social media until the surgery is over. It really doesn't help me to come onto Facebook or check my e-mails and be attacked. Why is asking for support so difficult for some people? This is one of the scariest things I have ever been through in my life. All I'm asking for is some support and love during a very scary time in my life. Why is that too hard to ask?

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala