I have been preparing for my upcoming Hysterectomy next month. I've been on Hystersisters almost every day reading. I've also been reading a book about it that I got from Chapters. I've been asking lots of questions to women who have had the surgery done before. The surgery is on my mind all day! It's been a really rough few days. I have been having a brutal period. A reminder for me on why I'm having this surgery done. It was not an easy decision to make. Months of agonizing and researching about the surgery. Wondering if there might be other alternatives. I know there is no turning back now though. I need the surgery. I can't live like this anymore. It's severely affected my quality of life. In a few weeks I will be saying goodbye to my uterus.
I read something on another site this morning which made me smile. I wanted to share. It's about Hysterectomy. It's called Hysterectomy. The Musical.
"Bye bye uterus. Bye bye tumors.
No more babies.
I’m so happy I’m gonna cry.
Bye bye female organ bye bye.
Bye bye aches and pains.
Bye bye sleepless nights.
Hello empty nest. I’ll kiss my womb goodbye.
I’m through with throwing up.
I’m through with cramps.
No more reading pain medication ads.
But there’s a reason I think it’s so cool, because now I don’t have to be in birth control school.
Bye bye uterus. Bye bye tumors.
I’m so happy I’m gonna cry."
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
Showing posts with label hysterectomy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hysterectomy. Show all posts
Wednesday
Monday
A naughty Friday night with Anakin!
I got spanked!!!! YAH!!! He used His hand and belt on my bottom! We had some amazing sex!! He gave me a really big g-spot orgasms too! It was so nice to escape into some play for a few hours. We woke up to some more play too on Saturday. I really enjoyed the connection with Him!
I went to the Dentist on Saturday afternoon. I needed to get 3 cavities filled and wanted this done before my upcoming surgery. One of them was very deep. *Major* ouchies!!!! I started to feel terrible by Saturday night. I was told there is a chance that the cavity could result in a root canal if the pain doesn't go away. It's two days later and it's still bothering me. :/ Not fun! Tooth pain is the worst!!
I've also had PMS going on. I spent a lot of time over the weekend resting and watching one of my new favorite shows Lost!! It's very addictive and on Netflix. It helped to distract me from everything that is going on.
I am feeling a lot of anxiety over my upcoming Hysterectomy next month. It's been hard to think about anything else lately. I wake up thinking about it. I go to bed thinking about it. It's only a few weeks away now. I am feeling a bit of a nesting instinct to get everything organized before the surgery. I want to make sure my place is cleaned and organized.
Master Anakin bought me a few things for it. I got a nice new large nightgown. He even got a book from Chapters about Hysterectomy so I could understand it a bit better. He's been very supportive and wonderful. I am so glad He is there for me. I don't know what I would do without Him. He is my strong force. :)
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
Happy birthday Master Anakin!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Master Anakin!! Today is Master's birthday! :)
I also got some news today. I have a date for my hysterectomy now. It's Wed. Sept. 18th. I am feeling very nervous about it but will be glad to have it done and over with. I just hope there are no complications. There are some risks due to the size and location of the largest fibroid which is on my bladder. I just hope it all goes smoothly. I am still on the cancellation list but it sounds like it will most likely happen on that date. At least I can try to plan for it now.
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
I also got some news today. I have a date for my hysterectomy now. It's Wed. Sept. 18th. I am feeling very nervous about it but will be glad to have it done and over with. I just hope there are no complications. There are some risks due to the size and location of the largest fibroid which is on my bladder. I just hope it all goes smoothly. I am still on the cancellation list but it sounds like it will most likely happen on that date. At least I can try to plan for it now.
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
A quiet weekend with Master
I had a pretty quiet weekend with Master Anakin. I wasn't feeling 100% so we didn't do very much. We had a movie night on Saturday night which was really nice. We watched Flight and Rocky Balboa. Flight was a really excellent movie!! I recommend it a lot. Anakin and I were both crying at the end of it. I was really impressed. It gave me a lot to think about. It was our 3rd time watching Rocky Balboa. I love the Rocky movies. They are very inspirational.
I really enjoy spending time with Master. We haven't been able to play in a while which is a bit frustrating to both of us. I've been dealing with health issues due to having fibroids. He's also afraid to put too many marks/bruises on me in case I get called in for surgery due to being on the cancellation list for it.
I haven't heard anything yet about the hysterectomy and that's been very frustrating. Living with the fibroids takes a lot out of me. I just want to be done the surgery and moving forward in my life. I am still very nervous and anxious over surgery but tired of living with the fibroids.
I haven't been feeling like blogging much lately. I do try to tweet and keep in touch with people but have lost some of my motivation for blogging. My force is still very strong with Master. We are both connected and close. He's been taking really good care of me. I feel so lucky to have Him.
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
I really enjoy spending time with Master. We haven't been able to play in a while which is a bit frustrating to both of us. I've been dealing with health issues due to having fibroids. He's also afraid to put too many marks/bruises on me in case I get called in for surgery due to being on the cancellation list for it.
I haven't heard anything yet about the hysterectomy and that's been very frustrating. Living with the fibroids takes a lot out of me. I just want to be done the surgery and moving forward in my life. I am still very nervous and anxious over surgery but tired of living with the fibroids.
I haven't been feeling like blogging much lately. I do try to tweet and keep in touch with people but have lost some of my motivation for blogging. My force is still very strong with Master. We are both connected and close. He's been taking really good care of me. I feel so lucky to have Him.
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
Wednesday
Anxious slave
I have been feeling a lot of anxiety the last few weeks. I did feel better when we went on our camping trip but it came back once we got home. The last few months have been really stressful. It seems like one thing after another has happened. I am still trying to process the loss of my FIL who passed away in April. I've been dealing with many different health issues. I am waiting to hear about a surgery date for a hysterectomy. I'm on a cancellation list so that can happen at any time. I feel like this is looming over my head. It's a really terrible feeling. It's hard to plan for anything this summer in case I get called in for the surgery.
I am dealing with the symptoms of having growing fibroids. I try not to complain about it but it's made me feel uncomfortable and caused me to have discomfort on a regular basis. I have my period coming up again and that makes me feel depressed as I often don't leave the house much during that time of the month. Having fibroids really sucks! I've tried to get rid of these things but they just seem to keep growing! :(
I didn't expect for 2013 to be so stressful. I had no idea that so many different things would happen this year which would cause me to have anxiety. I am trying to cope with the anxiety in healthy ways. My Doctor gave me pills for it but I don't like to take them because I don't want to become addicted to them. I have done yoga but not in a while. I should probably start doing it again. I just hate having to do it alone.
I still try to go for daily walks but it's been pretty warm out so I don't walk as far. I wish there was a way to get rid of the anxiety when it gets really bad. I am trying to cope with anxiety but some days are much harder than others.
How do you deal with anxiety? Any tips on how to deal with it in a healthy way?
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
I am dealing with the symptoms of having growing fibroids. I try not to complain about it but it's made me feel uncomfortable and caused me to have discomfort on a regular basis. I have my period coming up again and that makes me feel depressed as I often don't leave the house much during that time of the month. Having fibroids really sucks! I've tried to get rid of these things but they just seem to keep growing! :(
I didn't expect for 2013 to be so stressful. I had no idea that so many different things would happen this year which would cause me to have anxiety. I am trying to cope with the anxiety in healthy ways. My Doctor gave me pills for it but I don't like to take them because I don't want to become addicted to them. I have done yoga but not in a while. I should probably start doing it again. I just hate having to do it alone.
I still try to go for daily walks but it's been pretty warm out so I don't walk as far. I wish there was a way to get rid of the anxiety when it gets really bad. I am trying to cope with anxiety but some days are much harder than others.
How do you deal with anxiety? Any tips on how to deal with it in a healthy way?
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
Tuesday
Bedridden and not feeling well
I wasn't feeling very well over the long weekend. I got my period almost two weeks early. It seems like I am bleeding more and more now. It's very frustrating. This period was a bad one and has left me bedridden. I've had massive bleeding and cramping. It's been awful. Master Anakin was very helpful and supportive yesterday. I don't know what I would do without Him.
I have a lot of anxiety about the hysterectomy. I can understand why it needs to be done though. The growing fibroids are getting worse. It takes a lot out of me. It's affected my quality of life. It's hard to do much when I am bleeding so much and having awful cramps. I can't imagine what it's like to not have a period anymore and be dealing with this.
I am depressed right now. I miss having a normal life. I hate being bedridden and not being able to do all those things that I like to do for Master. I know that will probably not get easier when the hysterectomy is done. I will need His help a lot after that. I am just hoping that there is a better life after it's done. I won't have to worry about planning around my periods and dealing with this pain and pressure from the fibroids happening. It's awful. :(
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
I have a lot of anxiety about the hysterectomy. I can understand why it needs to be done though. The growing fibroids are getting worse. It takes a lot out of me. It's affected my quality of life. It's hard to do much when I am bleeding so much and having awful cramps. I can't imagine what it's like to not have a period anymore and be dealing with this.
I am depressed right now. I miss having a normal life. I hate being bedridden and not being able to do all those things that I like to do for Master. I know that will probably not get easier when the hysterectomy is done. I will need His help a lot after that. I am just hoping that there is a better life after it's done. I won't have to worry about planning around my periods and dealing with this pain and pressure from the fibroids happening. It's awful. :(
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
Sunday
Happy Canada Day!
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I have been enjoying the long weekend with Master. We have watched movies. We even had time for sex and orgasms too! He was very supportive with going to the dentist yesterday. I have always had a phobia about dentists and doctors. I tend to get a lot of anxiety with going to appointments. He was proud of me for going though and bought me some treats.
I started my period early this month. It seems like with having fibroids that I bleed more and more. It's a reminder of why I am getting the hysterectomy done. I will be glad when I don't have to worry about that anymore. Waiting for the hysterectomy to be done has caused me a lot of anxiety. Hopefully I'll get a call to get in this summer for that and won't have to wait until the Fall.
Happy Canada day to all those celebrating it! I hope everyone is having a good weekend!
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
Wednesday
No surgery date yet
I heard back from the Gync today about my hysterectomy surgery. She said that my information was just getting passed along to the hospital today. No surgery date has been scheduled yet. She warned me there is a waiting list of up to two months for this type of surgery. So I might not get in until the Fall. She has put me on a cancellation list though. She said a lot of patients get in sooner rather than later with it. She said that I'd have to be ready to go in on very short notice though. So I have a feeling that I won't be going on any long vacations this summer. I need to be available if I get the call to go in sooner.
It is frustrating though. I am feeling a lot of anxiety over this surgery. I am also dealing with growing fibroids. It's hard to be patient for this. I'd like to get this over with so I can begin healing and recovering from this. I will update everyone as soon as I know a surgery date or get in sooner for it.
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
It is frustrating though. I am feeling a lot of anxiety over this surgery. I am also dealing with growing fibroids. It's hard to be patient for this. I'd like to get this over with so I can begin healing and recovering from this. I will update everyone as soon as I know a surgery date or get in sooner for it.
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
Tuesday
Feeling anxious and depressed over hysterectomy
I have had many different times in my life that I have been depressed or felt anxiety but nothing like the last few days. I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster. I am feeling very anxious and depressed over my upcoming hysterectomy. There are some serious risks involved with mine due to size/location of the one on my bladder. I felt a sense of acceptance over this but then I started to doubt the surgery again. Am I doing the right thing? Have I made the right decision?
Some people have been incredibly supportive and understanding about how I have been feeling. Especially those other women who have had a hysterectomy and know what I'm going through. I am very thankful for them! It really means a lot to talk to others who have been through this. I know they can relate to my feelings over this surgery.
I've gotten some really helpful and supportive messages and e-mails. Other people have attacked me. I tried to reach out to my sister yesterday. She sent me a brutal e-mail back. I was told that the hysterectomy is "not a big deal" and that I can basically deal with it myself. She even told me that I should go see a counselor to deal with my problems. I should have expected a lack of support from her. She has never really been there for me in the past. Unfortunately my extended family (not Anakin or my kids) have never really been there for me.
I had a really rough night and couldn't sleep. I posted on Facebook about it. I was surprised by a very harsh comment on there from someone who hardly even knows me!! She tells me that she doesn't mean to attack me but that's how it felt. I've also had someone else make me feel badly for having any kind of feelings about this surgery. Someone else told me to "not worry about it". What the hell!! Why don't people just show support and not attack? I feel like I'm being kicked while I'm down.
This is major surgery. It can take a woman up to a year to be fully healed from this. It can take weeks or even months to really recover from the surgical part of it. How am I supposed to feel about this? A lot of people may not know this but my Dad died on the operating table. It was a different type of surgery but it still happened. I am sure he didn't expect to not wake up again once he was put under. There are risks and this is a very big surgery.
I've been wondering if I should just avoid social media until the surgery is over. It really doesn't help me to come onto Facebook or check my e-mails and be attacked. Why is asking for support so difficult for some people? This is one of the scariest things I have ever been through in my life. All I'm asking for is some support and love during a very scary time in my life. Why is that too hard to ask?
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
Some people have been incredibly supportive and understanding about how I have been feeling. Especially those other women who have had a hysterectomy and know what I'm going through. I am very thankful for them! It really means a lot to talk to others who have been through this. I know they can relate to my feelings over this surgery.
I've gotten some really helpful and supportive messages and e-mails. Other people have attacked me. I tried to reach out to my sister yesterday. She sent me a brutal e-mail back. I was told that the hysterectomy is "not a big deal" and that I can basically deal with it myself. She even told me that I should go see a counselor to deal with my problems. I should have expected a lack of support from her. She has never really been there for me in the past. Unfortunately my extended family (not Anakin or my kids) have never really been there for me.
I had a really rough night and couldn't sleep. I posted on Facebook about it. I was surprised by a very harsh comment on there from someone who hardly even knows me!! She tells me that she doesn't mean to attack me but that's how it felt. I've also had someone else make me feel badly for having any kind of feelings about this surgery. Someone else told me to "not worry about it". What the hell!! Why don't people just show support and not attack? I feel like I'm being kicked while I'm down.
This is major surgery. It can take a woman up to a year to be fully healed from this. It can take weeks or even months to really recover from the surgical part of it. How am I supposed to feel about this? A lot of people may not know this but my Dad died on the operating table. It was a different type of surgery but it still happened. I am sure he didn't expect to not wake up again once he was put under. There are risks and this is a very big surgery.
I've been wondering if I should just avoid social media until the surgery is over. It really doesn't help me to come onto Facebook or check my e-mails and be attacked. Why is asking for support so difficult for some people? This is one of the scariest things I have ever been through in my life. All I'm asking for is some support and love during a very scary time in my life. Why is that too hard to ask?
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
Sunday
Scared about hysterectomy
I thought that I would blog about some of my feelings regarding the upcoming hysterectomy. I'm scared and nervous about this. I honestly think this is one of the scariest things that I have ever dealt with in my life. This type of situation makes you really evaluate your life. I had to have a very difficult discussion last night with Master Anakin. It was about my final wishes should something happen to me during this surgery.
It was recommended by HysterSisters as well as other people to have that important discussion. Master didn't really want to talk about it but did discuss this with me. It was one of the most difficult talks that I've ever had with Him. I could tell that He's scared and nervous like I am. I am sitting here in tears as I write this blog post. This is a very hard to think about. I was up last night thinking about it.
I am really glad that I am not fighting with anyone right now going into this surgery. I want to make sure that my feelings for people are said. I really wish that I had done up a will. I've been putting it off because it's something that no one wants to think about. I want to make it through surgery and be ok. I want to be able to pee ok and not have any bladder damage or complications. A lot of people have talked about their health issues improving after a hysterectomy. I just want to feel better.
The last year has been very challenging for me and changed me in so many ways. I have a much deeper appreciation for my friends and family. I am grateful to be alive. It's scary to think about what would happen if I don't make it through surgery and the people that I would leave behind, especially Master and my kids. :/ This whole thing is a very scary experience.
Thank you for everyone who has given me support and friendship with what I am going through. I truly appreciate it. It helps to know that there have been many others who have had hysterectomies and made it through surgery ok with no complications.
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
It was recommended by HysterSisters as well as other people to have that important discussion. Master didn't really want to talk about it but did discuss this with me. It was one of the most difficult talks that I've ever had with Him. I could tell that He's scared and nervous like I am. I am sitting here in tears as I write this blog post. This is a very hard to think about. I was up last night thinking about it.
I am really glad that I am not fighting with anyone right now going into this surgery. I want to make sure that my feelings for people are said. I really wish that I had done up a will. I've been putting it off because it's something that no one wants to think about. I want to make it through surgery and be ok. I want to be able to pee ok and not have any bladder damage or complications. A lot of people have talked about their health issues improving after a hysterectomy. I just want to feel better.
The last year has been very challenging for me and changed me in so many ways. I have a much deeper appreciation for my friends and family. I am grateful to be alive. It's scary to think about what would happen if I don't make it through surgery and the people that I would leave behind, especially Master and my kids. :/ This whole thing is a very scary experience.
Thank you for everyone who has given me support and friendship with what I am going through. I truly appreciate it. It helps to know that there have been many others who have had hysterectomies and made it through surgery ok with no complications.
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
Saturday
Movie date night with Master
I am spending the day getting ready for the surgery. I was told that things can happen very quickly if a cancellation happens. So I want to be ready. I am cleaning the house and also getting my hospital bag ready. I'm panicky and scared but also feel a sense of acceptance over the hysterectomy. I am having so many different health issues going on because of the rapidly growing fibroids. I know that this was the best decision and that has given me some peace. I just hope that I can get in sooner than later for the surgery. I want to be recovering and not dealing with these awful fibroids anymore.
I hope everyone is having a good weekend!
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
Thursday
Proceeding with the hysterectomy
I went to see the Specialist today regarding the hysterectomy. I got a lot of answers regarding the surgery. I didn't realize how bad the situation was until today. She wanted to do an internal exam and then did a biopsy on me. There is a small risk of cancer with having fast growing fibroids. She wanted to be sure. The biopsy hurt 10 X worse than a pap smear. She had to take a tube and put it through my cervix to get it into my uterus and scrap the cells. The pain was extreme!! I am a masochist but that was unbearable. I am now bleeding from it. Not fun! :(
She saw the ultrasound results and did an internal to check the size/shape of the fibroids. She had a pretty serious look on her face. She told me that she recommends that I get a hysterectomy. She doesn't always recommend it but she does in my case. The fibroids are quickly growing. My largest which was 10 cm is now 14 cm. There is a really nasty one right on my bladder. I thought that peeing all the time was just a part of aging. She explains that one makes the surgery more complicated.
She said there is a risk of damage to the bladder/urethra. She plans to keep me in the hospital until I can pee ok. She plans to take the uterus, tubes and cervix. She wants to keep my ovaries although they may have to be removed if she finds a problem with them during the surgery. She showed me a diagram of how big the largest fibroids are. Wow!! I couldn't believe it! It made my head spin! No wonder I'm having a lot of health issues. I realized there was no other options regarding this surgery. This is not a good situation at all. :(
She told me that the surgery is "bloody" and there is usually major blood loss. I had to sign a consent for a blood transfusion. She said the recovery will depend on what type of surgery (I am getting laproscopic but might need to be cut open too and have abdominal) and how fast I bounce back from this and what is removed. It's a lot to think about. I haven't needed any type of surgery since my c-section. This is a different type of surgery. It's all very scary. I came home and had a full blown panic attack over this. :/
I've been put on a waiting list to get this done ASAP. I was told to be ready for this at any time. They will phone me if there are any cancellations.
This is a life changing event. I just hope that everything will be ok. It's all very scary and upsetting. My force is not feeling very strong.
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
She saw the ultrasound results and did an internal to check the size/shape of the fibroids. She had a pretty serious look on her face. She told me that she recommends that I get a hysterectomy. She doesn't always recommend it but she does in my case. The fibroids are quickly growing. My largest which was 10 cm is now 14 cm. There is a really nasty one right on my bladder. I thought that peeing all the time was just a part of aging. She explains that one makes the surgery more complicated.
She said there is a risk of damage to the bladder/urethra. She plans to keep me in the hospital until I can pee ok. She plans to take the uterus, tubes and cervix. She wants to keep my ovaries although they may have to be removed if she finds a problem with them during the surgery. She showed me a diagram of how big the largest fibroids are. Wow!! I couldn't believe it! It made my head spin! No wonder I'm having a lot of health issues. I realized there was no other options regarding this surgery. This is not a good situation at all. :(
She told me that the surgery is "bloody" and there is usually major blood loss. I had to sign a consent for a blood transfusion. She said the recovery will depend on what type of surgery (I am getting laproscopic but might need to be cut open too and have abdominal) and how fast I bounce back from this and what is removed. It's a lot to think about. I haven't needed any type of surgery since my c-section. This is a different type of surgery. It's all very scary. I came home and had a full blown panic attack over this. :/
I've been put on a waiting list to get this done ASAP. I was told to be ready for this at any time. They will phone me if there are any cancellations.
This is a life changing event. I just hope that everything will be ok. It's all very scary and upsetting. My force is not feeling very strong.
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
Wednesday
Nervous about upcoming hysterectomy
A lot of my health issues started in December. I thought that getting healthy would help them. I started doing yoga. I cleaned up my diet. I have lost 30 pounds so far. It didn't seem to help my periods though. They just seemed to get worse. One of my periods lasted 2 weeks and was the period from hell. I knew something was wrong and went to see the Doctor. He noticed my uterus was enlarged and sent me for an ultrasound.
My uterus is filled with fibroids. One of the largest is 10 cm. The fibroids have been making my life miserable. I even wound up in the ER over it. I was put on a waiting list to see the specialist. It's taken two months to finally see one. The appointment is tomorrow. It's been recommended that I have a hysterectomy. I have gone back and forth over this surgery. I've agonized about whether I should get it done or not. It's been one of the toughest decisions to make in my life.
Getting a hysterectomy is major surgery. I wanted to make sure that I was making the right decision about it. Master Anakin and I had a very big talk last night. I have decided to get the hysterectomy done. I will find out more information tomorrow about it. I'm going to need a lot of help and support to get through the recovery time.
One of the best websites that I joined was HysterSisters. I've spent hours on there reading about it. I joined it the other day. I've been wanting to talk to others who have gone through it. I know that everyone has a different experience with it but it helps to know that I'm not alone.
My force hasn't felt very strong lately. I'm really glad to have Master in my life though. He's been my strong force. I don't know what I would do without Him.
May the force be with you all!!
~padme amidala
