LENSCRATCH: Mixtape by Aline Smithson

Photograph © Jerry Atnip

I've been L E N S C R A T C H E D  by the remarkable ALINE SMITHSON. L E N S C R A T C H is considered one of the 10 Photography-related blogs you should be reading by Source Review, Wired.com, Rangefinder and InStyle Magazine. I'm honored to be included in Smithson's Mixtapes, profiling many distinguished professionals in the fine art photography world.

Aline writes: "Constructing today’s MIXTAPE was incredibly exciting–I learned in-depth about a friend and design icon who has traversed a remarkable photographic terrain, creating a legacy for excellence and creativity. Elizabeth Avedon's blog  is a go-to destination for photographers, bringing her unique perspective to her observations and posts.  I first met Elizabeth Avedon when she reviewed my work at Review Santa Fe. I had no idea what to expect, but it turned out that our twenty minutes was my favorite of the event. She was warm, funny, engaging, and encouraging.  We kept in touch and several years later, when I was exhibiting in New York, she attended my opening. It was a reflection of the kind of person she is, someone who makes the extra effort to support, encourage, and educate. It was great to reunite with her in Chicago at the Filter Photo Festival this past fall."

"Elizabeth carries a lifetime of creative seeing, that combined with her exposure to the the greats of design and photography, add up to a remarkable ability to make her mark on all aspects of design that surround the photograph. Her down-to-earth generosity and unflagging enthusiasm for all things photographic make her a very special member of our community." 

Read It Here

THE ELIZABETH AVEDON MIXTAPE

L E N S C R A T C H

Good news!

I got some really good news today! I went to the Doctor after getting a second mammogram and breast ultrasound done. Master Anakin took the day off work today to go with me to the appointment. I've been a really big emotional mess over this. I've lost weight. I have barely slept. I could barely function.  I was shaking when the Doctor came into the room. He told us "No cancer. Everything's fine".  I immediately started crying.

He was surprised I was crying because it was good news. My tears were because I was so relieved though. All that stress and build up this last week. I didn't know what he was going to tell me. I go back in November (six months) for a standard follow-up for it. I feel like a big black cloud has been lifted. I have a much better appreciation for life after this experience. I have never been so glad to be alive and ok.

He said there is a lesion on my left breast. Most likely some kind of scar tissue. He reassured me though there is nothing to worry about. At least there wasn't a lump. I can relax and finally get some sleep now. 

Thank you to all those friends who messaged and supported me this last week. It was a very scary time.  I have never been so worried and scared in my whole life. You really helped me through a dark time. I am so extremely grateful for my friends in my life! Thank you!

Thank you also to Master Anakin. I know He was very worried about me. He's been extremely supportive and wonderful. I'm so glad to be married to such a wonderful Man. 

My force is feeling strong!!

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

The Good - This weekend was a mixture of emotions for me. The good part of it was seeing my teen daughter have her prom night. She looked beautiful in her prom dress. Her boyfriend surprised her by taking her to prom in a helicopter! Talk about making an entrance! I was so happy for the teen. It was nice to celebrate something positive. I can't believe she is graduating from high school! The years have really flown by fast.

The Bad - I was extremely stressed out about getting a call back on my mammogram. I had a second mammogram done on Friday. I spent a lot of time over the weekend feeling very worried and anxious. I spent almost 2 hours on Saturday night trying to find a lump in my left breast.

I couldn't feel anything and either could Anakin. My Doctor also didn't feel anything when I had a breast exam during my recent physical exam. It's been agonizing waiting to find out what's going on. I have a breast ultrasound tomorrow on my left breast. I see the Doctor on Thursday to discuss the results. I may need a biopsy if the breast ultrasound doesn't go very well. It's hard to wait for answers. I know people tell me not to worry but how can you not?  It's a very big worry. Having breast cancer would change my life. I just hope it turns out ok. I've been extremely stressed out about it.

and the Ugly - Cancer is such an ugly disease. I feel like it's touched my life in so many ways. I've watched it take away people that I love. I've seen people (like one of my best friends) struggle with it in a very big way. She had stage 3 breast cancer. Had 2 years of chemo and radiation as well as losing her breasts. Cancer sucks! It is a horrible feeling when you wonder if you have it. I've tried to be healthy but sometimes that isn't enough. Cancer can happen to anyone. It's very scary. :(

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

The strong force

There has been a strong force between Master Anakin and I lately. We have faced many challenges this year. We have been very strong in our relationship. We've had some really good talks about the future. Anakin is my rock and strong force. He leads in our relationship. He is the HOH (Head of Household) in our home. A TPE relationship works very well for us. I follow His lead and He is always in control. Anakin is one of the strongest men that I know. I really love being His slave. It makes me very happy. :)

Master stayed home from work yesterday. We went to Future Shop to get me a new Smart phone. I got the Samsung Galaxy S2. Wow! The apps are so cool! I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how the phone works. I love it! I can go onto Twitter or Facebook now while watching my favorite show. Thank You, Master! I love my new phone!

I am missing Him today. Looking forward to the next time we get to play on the darkside! :P

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Life can be a roller coaster!

Life can be a real roller coaster sometimes! Many ups and downs as well as hard times. This weekend had many ups and downs. I was glad to take a bit of a break yesterday from it all. We went on a family walk in the park. I enjoyed the sunshine and walking on a hike with Master. We came back and I felt like a bit of a crash.

Master is home from work today. We are dealing with some really serious issues. My FIL needs some legal work done. He's still in ICU and not in great shape. This whole situation is very difficult. I always have to emotionally prepare myself for a visit with my FIL. The ICU is a very depressing place to be. It really shakes me up sometimes.

It's hard to stay healthy in the midst of a crisis. I want to go back to old habits. The temptation is very strong sometimes to drink a shot of vodka. I don't drink hard liquor anymore. It's hard though. I really want to have a shot right now. It used to help me cope with my stress. I need to find healthier ways to deal with it. I haven't done yoga in a few days. I'm going to try to do that today. It's also a sunny day so I'm going to try to go out for a big hike with Master somewhere.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Calm in the midst of a storm

This morning felt like the calm in the midst of a storm. I've been really stressed out lately. The whole situation with my FIL has been very stressful. We found out that he does have pneumonia in his lungs. There was some talk about doing surgery but we need to take it one step at a time. He needs to get stronger and better first. It's a very serious situation. I try to hold onto every moment that I get to spend with him. I never know when we are leaving the hospital if it's the last time I might see my FIL.

Anakin has been very upset. He's lost a mom and is dealing with a Dad who's fighting for his life. I saw Anakin crying and that isn't something He does very often. He tries hard to be strong but I can tell this has been really upsetting for Him. I wish that I could do more. It's a very helpless situation and it's been hard for our whole family.

I was up at 5 am and started to snuggle up to Master. We started to kiss and then make out a little. We were both holding onto the moment. I felt His hard cock and then He eased His way into me. The sex was very loving. I needed that connection so badly. I was able to kiss Him goodbye on the way out the door. He also gave me permission to use the Hitachi today. I'm having a day of rest. I think that I've really needed this.

Anakin and I are strong. Our force is strong. We'll get through this storm together. We are a very strong couple. We've gone through bad times and gotten through it. Life is really hard sometimes. You have to hold onto those special moments. This morning felt really nice. A nice escape from all the stress. I love my Master so much. I can't imagine my life without Him.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Bad news

We got some bad news this morning. :/  The hospital phoned. Things didn't sound very good. My FIL's stats were pretty bad so they sent him over to the ER department. I've been really worried that this might happen. :(  I'm very upset right now. I don't want to lose my FIL. He's a good man. I'm really sad this is happening. He's a very big part of my family.

One of the hardest parts about life is when you start to lose people you love. I've lost too many to cancer. :(  It really makes you think about life and how short it is. Hold onto those you love. One day they might not be there anymore.

My heart is hurting. I am trying to hold on through this rough time. It's hard to lose someone you love. I just hope that we can get more time with my FIL. I'm not ready to lose him yet. :(  I know that this is really hard for Anakin and our kids too. He's been a very big part of my kid's lives. I'm very glad for all the great memories we have shared as a family. This is very upsetting.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Life changes

There have been a lot of life changes this year. So much is changing and there is lots to adjust to. We thought that my FIL was getting released from the hospital but he wasn't. It's been a very difficult situation. It's been a stressful time for our whole family.

The hospital is a very depressing place to visit. It brings back some really bad memories too. The hospice is right beside it which is where Anakin's mom passed away. It's not a very happy place to visit. My FIL looked very sad and quiet yesterday. I wish that we could do more for him. Cancer sucks!

My FIL is going to need a lot of help and support. My SIL wants to put him into a senior's home. My FIL wants to go back home though. This has caused a lot of family drama lately. It's also brought up some really big talks. Anakin asked me about his Dad moving in with us. We would get a big house and share it with his Dad and take care of him. This is obviously a very big decision!! It would change our lives in many different ways. I'm not sure what is going to happen.

There is a lot of family drama going on with my family too lately. I've really needed a break. Master and I got the chance to play and connect on Friday. He stayed home from work and we spent some time together on the darkside. It's what we both needed. It felt great to go into subspace for a while and forget our stress and family drama.

There is some really big stuff going on in our family. The teen is graduating in a few months and still trying to figure out her future. I'm really worried about her. I've had some really serious health issues going on. That's also stressed me out. Life is moving so quickly. It's hard to accept all the changes that are happening in my life. It's even strange to me that my son is turning 12 years old next month! He's about to be a teenager! The years go by so quickly. Hold onto those little moments while you can. I feel like I have a much deeper appreciation for life now that I'm 40 years old.

I've done a lot of changing lately. I don't even see the same person in the mirror anymore. I've lost 14 pounds and my body shape has even changed. Anakin's been changing a lot too. I am so proud of us for changing our lives and getting healthy. We have grown closer and fallen in love with each other all over again! I truly love my Husband and Master. He is my strong force. I know that we will get through whatever challenges are ahead for us. We are a strong couple. I love Anakin so very much. I know that I can get through anything with Him by my side.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

A movie date and fun weekend with Master!

I had a pretty good weekend. There was some fun times and nice escape. Master Anakin was home on Friday. We had breakfast and ran some errands. He gave me a hard spanking with His hand and belt. The teen offered to sit our son for us so we could go to the movies! We went and saw The Last Stand. The movie really surprised me! I'm a big Arnie fan though. I was really happy to see him in the movies again.

Saturday morning was lots of fun. More spankings and some amazing sex! He gave me a g-spot orgasm! I floated in subspace for a long time. It felt great. I saw the Chiropractor. My back is feeling a bit better. We relaxed and cuddled up for the rest of the night.

Weigh-in was on Sunday morning. Anakin is down 4 more pounds! I gained a pound though. :/  I was disappointed because I thought I had lost some more weight. I'm still down 8 pounds though since last month. I'm also determined to have a better week! I started it off with a really hard workout yesterday.

Master took me to Derby Reach park in Fort Langley. It has a really hard hiking trail which is an hour long. It's a very hard trail. Last time I couldn't even make it all the way around. This time I was determined to finish it. Anakin is a hard personal trainer! He had to kick my ass a few times but we did it! I was so proud of myself to make it all the way around a one hour hard hike. We came back to yoga. Anakin decided to give it a try for the first time!

Some of it was pretty funny! Anakin was swearing a bit and doing lots of groaning! lol. :P He told me He has a new kind of respect for the yoga! He thought it would be easier! It can be very challenging at times. I'm starting to finally get some balance but it took me a while! :)

I am starting to think about getting back into running again. I saw some people jogging and it got me thinking. I really miss it. Maybe my dream of going into a half marathon can come true! I gave up on my dreams but am discovering that they can come true.

My force feels strong.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala