Anxious slave

I have been feeling a lot of anxiety the last few weeks. I did feel better when we went on our camping trip but it came back once we got home. The last few months have been really stressful. It seems like one thing after another has happened. I am still trying to process the loss of my FIL who passed away in April. I've been dealing with many different health issues. I am waiting to hear about a surgery date for a hysterectomy. I'm on a cancellation list so that can happen at any time. I feel like this is looming over my head. It's a really terrible feeling. It's hard to plan for anything this summer in case I get called in for the surgery.

I am dealing with the symptoms of having growing fibroids. I try not to complain about it but it's made me feel uncomfortable and caused me to have discomfort on a regular basis. I have my period coming up again and that makes me feel depressed as I often don't leave the house much during that time of the month. Having fibroids really sucks! I've tried to get rid of these things but they just seem to keep growing! :(

I didn't expect for 2013 to be so stressful. I had no idea that so many different things would happen this year which would cause me to have anxiety. I am trying to cope with the anxiety in healthy ways. My Doctor gave me pills for it but I don't like to take them because I don't want to become addicted to them. I have done yoga but not in a while. I should probably start doing it again. I just hate having to do it alone.

I still try to go for daily walks but it's been pretty warm out so I don't walk as far. I wish there was a way to get rid of the anxiety when it gets really bad. I am trying to cope with anxiety but some days are much harder than others.

How do you deal with anxiety? Any tips on how to deal with it in a healthy way?

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Nervous about upcoming hysterectomy

I haven't been feeling up to blogging much lately. I've been feeling a bit depressed lately. 2013 hasn't turned out to be a great year. It seems to be one thing after another. I spent months going back and forth to the hospital with my FIL. He passed away in April. I had a breast cancer scare after getting a mammogram done. I've been dealing with lots of health issues this year despite trying to get healthy.

A lot of my health issues started in December. I thought that getting healthy would help them. I started doing yoga. I cleaned up my diet. I have lost 30 pounds so far. It didn't seem to help my periods though. They just seemed to get worse. One of my periods lasted 2 weeks and was the period from hell. I knew something was wrong and went to see the Doctor. He noticed my uterus was enlarged and sent me for an ultrasound.

My uterus is filled with fibroids. One of the largest is 10 cm. The fibroids have been making my life miserable. I even wound up in the ER over it. I was put on a waiting list to see the specialist. It's taken two months to finally see one. The appointment is tomorrow. It's been recommended that I have a hysterectomy. I have gone back and forth over this surgery. I've agonized about whether I should get it done or not. It's been one of the toughest decisions to make in my life.

Getting a hysterectomy is major surgery. I wanted to make sure that I was making the right decision about it. Master Anakin and I had a very big talk last night. I have decided to get the hysterectomy done. I will find out more information tomorrow about it. I'm going to need a lot of help and support to get through the recovery time.

One of the best websites that I joined was HysterSisters.  I've spent hours on there reading about it. I joined it the other day. I've been wanting to talk to others who have gone through it. I know that everyone has a different experience with it but it helps to know that I'm not alone.

My force hasn't felt very strong lately. I'm really glad to have Master in my life though. He's been my strong force. I don't know what I would do without Him.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Yoga slave girl

I have been feeling great about myself lately. A lot of confidence has come through with losing weight and getting healthy this year. I made some changes in the new year and decided to get into shape. I've been walking daily as well as doing yoga. I'm a yoga girl! I love how yoga makes me feel. I have better balance and feel very centered after a yoga workout. It's starting to shape my body and make me feel really good about myself.

Master gave me permission to give myself a new hair cut and style. I went to the salon and got my hair cut short. I haven't had my hair cut in a salon since my 39th birthday!! I couldn't believe how much hair came off my head!! I dyed my hair red and also treated myself to some new clothes. I'm in a size medium now!! :)

I got my son to take some pictures of myself including this one of me holding onto my new yoga mat. I also posted a picture on Tumblr of my backside. I am 40 years old and feeling so much better about myself! I haven't felt this good in years!! I've noticed a really big improvement in my arthritis with doing the yoga. I've got more energy and feel years younger. I've had several people compliment me on my appearance lately.

This is just the beginning of my new journey. I'm going forward with a new healthy lifestyle with Master Anakin. Master Anakin has lost 28 pounds so far. We have lost 45 pounds together in 2013!! That's amazing! I'm so proud of us. Our marriage and relationship is stronger than it's ever been! I'm also feeling really good about myself!! It feels great after feeling so crappy for so many years. I can't wait to keep going and see what I look like at the end of this year! I'm not looking back. I'm moving forward and loving life! :)

I did weigh-in this morning. I'm down another 2 pounds. A total of 16 pounds so far this year!! Amazing!

....

I had a date night on Friday with Master. I will be blogging about that next! :)

My force is strong!

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala