Scared about hysterectomy

I thought that I would blog about some of my feelings regarding the upcoming hysterectomy. I'm scared and nervous about this. I honestly think this is one of the scariest things that I have ever dealt with in my life. This type of situation makes you really evaluate your life. I had to have a very difficult discussion last night with Master Anakin. It was about my final wishes should something happen to me during this surgery.

It was recommended by HysterSisters as well as other people to have that important discussion. Master didn't really want to talk about it but did discuss this with me. It was one of the most difficult talks that I've ever had with Him. I could tell that He's scared and nervous like I am. I am sitting here in tears as I write this blog post. This is a very hard to think about. I was up last night thinking about it.

I am really glad that I am not fighting with anyone right now going into this surgery. I want to make sure that my feelings for people are said. I really wish that I had done up a will. I've been putting it off because it's something that no one wants to think about. I want to make it through surgery and be ok. I want to be able to pee ok and not have any bladder damage or complications. A lot of people have talked about their health issues improving after a hysterectomy. I just want to feel better.

The last year has been very challenging for me and changed me in so many ways. I have a much deeper appreciation for my friends and family. I am grateful to be alive. It's scary to think about what would happen if I don't make it through surgery and the people that I would leave behind, especially Master and my kids. :/  This whole thing is a very scary experience.

Thank you for everyone who has given me support and friendship with what I am going through. I truly appreciate it. It helps to know that there have been many others who have had hysterectomies and made it through surgery ok with no complications.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Good news!

I got some really good news today! I went to the Doctor after getting a second mammogram and breast ultrasound done. Master Anakin took the day off work today to go with me to the appointment. I've been a really big emotional mess over this. I've lost weight. I have barely slept. I could barely function.  I was shaking when the Doctor came into the room. He told us "No cancer. Everything's fine".  I immediately started crying.

He was surprised I was crying because it was good news. My tears were because I was so relieved though. All that stress and build up this last week. I didn't know what he was going to tell me. I go back in November (six months) for a standard follow-up for it. I feel like a big black cloud has been lifted. I have a much better appreciation for life after this experience. I have never been so glad to be alive and ok.

He said there is a lesion on my left breast. Most likely some kind of scar tissue. He reassured me though there is nothing to worry about. At least there wasn't a lump. I can relax and finally get some sleep now. 

Thank you to all those friends who messaged and supported me this last week. It was a very scary time.  I have never been so worried and scared in my whole life. You really helped me through a dark time. I am so extremely grateful for my friends in my life! Thank you!

Thank you also to Master Anakin. I know He was very worried about me. He's been extremely supportive and wonderful. I'm so glad to be married to such a wonderful Man. 

My force is feeling strong!!

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

A rough few days

It's been a rough few days. Yesterday was a pretty bad day. There is some family drama going on as well as the situation with my FIL. My FIL is in the hospital with a broken leg. He's also got a lot going on with having cancer.

He is needing oxygen and a lot of help and support right now. We are his caregivers so there is a lot of responsibility right now. It's not easy to deal with a parent with terminal cancer. It's been upsetting for the whole family. :(

There is some drama going on with my mom and brother. I knew that it was a bad idea for them to live together. It hasn't gone very well. I need to take a few steps back from that situation though. It's way too stressful to deal with. My main focus is Master Anakin and our kids as well as my FIL.

Today is a busy day for me. I am walking my son to school in the mornings now as well as the afternoons. I'm also getting back into yoga. I haven't done it since Friday. I think it will help with some stress relief. I'm chatting with my good friend, @jenpet right now. I want to wish her well for the birth of her new daughter on Thursday! I'm really excited for her! :)

I am missing Master a lot today. I'm glad He is home on Friday. I am hoping that we can continue with the play that we started yesterday. It got interrupted and I would love to get more spankings from Him! :)

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Trying yoga for the first time

I have wanted to try yoga for years but was a bit worried about it. I was diagnosed with arthritis in 2001 and it's progressively gotten worse through the years. I am in daily chronic pain. I try not to complain about it too much but it's become a part of my life. I decided to try to change my life and get my back and spine into better shape. I saw a program on TV about people who have arthritis and have done yoga. Many of them said they were able to live a pain free life because of it.

I asked a friend of mine on Facebook for some advice on it. She sent me the link for Melissa West (@drmelissa) yoga videos. My friend even offered to join me for yoga. We live miles apart but she said to PM her and we would do the yoga together. I put on the yoga video for people with arthritis. I was able to stretch my muscles out and felt really relaxed afterwords. I even noticed that this morning my back isn't in as much pain! I am really excited about it! I am planning to do my second yoga workout this morning. I'm going to make this a part of my daily routine. :)

I was also able to cross something else off my bucket list! Yah!

#170 -Try Yoga

I am really happy to be making some new lifestyle changes in my life. Master Anakin and even our kids are trying to also. The teen even offered to join me to do yoga sometime. It's great for our whole family to get healthy. I've been thinking about joining a gym but I didn't want to rush into that. Many people join one because of the new year and they quit a few weeks or months later. I am walking daily and now have included yoga in it too as well as a healthy diet. I'm happy to do it at home for now. :)

It's been two weeks since I started on my new healthy journey but I can already feel many benefits from it. I am so proud of myself. Master Anakin has been a really great support with this too. I am really glad that we are doing this together. I believe this will make us an even stronger couple. I am really excited to see what the future has in store for us! :)

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala