A stressful weekend

It's been a pretty stressful weekend. I could really use a vacation or even a break from life. I was hoping that we might get a date night on Friday but it never happened. I was exhausted and had been feeling depressed all day. Master Anakin bought me some wine but that seemed to make me more sleepy. We did have some really great sex before bed. I even had a big g-spot orgasm. He spanked me with His hand and then sent me to bed.

I woke up to one of the worst periods ever!!! My period has been really late and it finally started!! It's been horrible! The Doctor suspects that I have fibroids which are causing my heavy periods. I was even offered the chance to have a hysterectomy. That seems very scary to me though. I've heard some horror stories about hysterectomies and how they can affect your hormones. It's hard though. I feel awful today. Maybe it's not such a bad idea after all. The heavy periods are causing me to get anemic as well. Anakin mentioned that my face looked pale. I also get really tired too.

My FIL isn't doing very well. It's turned into a serious situation. He caught a cold while at the hospital. We noticed it the other day. He reassured us that he would talk to the nurse about it. He didn't though. It looked like the cold had gone into his chest. I'm very certain that it's pneumonia. It can be common to get that while in the hospital. He's got cancer and a very low immune system. We called the nurse to come look at him. She seemed surprised by how bad it was. :/  His blood pressure was low. His heart was racing. He really didn't look very well.

I felt very uneasy leaving the hospital. I just had a really bad feeling about it. Anakin phoned the hospital and talked to several people about it. The whole situation really bothered me last night. I could barely function. I had to take a sleeping pill to get some sleep. I kept expecting the phone to ring from the hospital. We are going back up there today to check on him. I really hope he's going to be ok. I'm very worried. Cancer sucks!

We don't have a lot of help and support with this situation either. I'm kind of pissed off at a few family members. This is a very serious situation. It's hard to deal with. I have felt very depressed about it. It is very difficult to see a loved one with cancer that is struggling to breathe. :(  I love my FIL like my Dad. He's been really good to me and the family. It's going to be very hard when the day comes that we lose him.

I'm not sure how much I'll be blogging or online in the next few weeks. There is also some other family drama going on. I've had some challenges with the teen too. I'm just feeling very tired of it all. I want to run away and escape. I'd really love some time on the darkside with Master right now..

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Life changes

There have been a lot of life changes this year. So much is changing and there is lots to adjust to. We thought that my FIL was getting released from the hospital but he wasn't. It's been a very difficult situation. It's been a stressful time for our whole family.

The hospital is a very depressing place to visit. It brings back some really bad memories too. The hospice is right beside it which is where Anakin's mom passed away. It's not a very happy place to visit. My FIL looked very sad and quiet yesterday. I wish that we could do more for him. Cancer sucks!

My FIL is going to need a lot of help and support. My SIL wants to put him into a senior's home. My FIL wants to go back home though. This has caused a lot of family drama lately. It's also brought up some really big talks. Anakin asked me about his Dad moving in with us. We would get a big house and share it with his Dad and take care of him. This is obviously a very big decision!! It would change our lives in many different ways. I'm not sure what is going to happen.

There is a lot of family drama going on with my family too lately. I've really needed a break. Master and I got the chance to play and connect on Friday. He stayed home from work and we spent some time together on the darkside. It's what we both needed. It felt great to go into subspace for a while and forget our stress and family drama.

There is some really big stuff going on in our family. The teen is graduating in a few months and still trying to figure out her future. I'm really worried about her. I've had some really serious health issues going on. That's also stressed me out. Life is moving so quickly. It's hard to accept all the changes that are happening in my life. It's even strange to me that my son is turning 12 years old next month! He's about to be a teenager! The years go by so quickly. Hold onto those little moments while you can. I feel like I have a much deeper appreciation for life now that I'm 40 years old.

I've done a lot of changing lately. I don't even see the same person in the mirror anymore. I've lost 14 pounds and my body shape has even changed. Anakin's been changing a lot too. I am so proud of us for changing our lives and getting healthy. We have grown closer and fallen in love with each other all over again! I truly love my Husband and Master. He is my strong force. I know that we will get through whatever challenges are ahead for us. We are a strong couple. I love Anakin so very much. I know that I can get through anything with Him by my side.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

A rough few days

It's been a rough few days. Yesterday was a pretty bad day. There is some family drama going on as well as the situation with my FIL. My FIL is in the hospital with a broken leg. He's also got a lot going on with having cancer.

He is needing oxygen and a lot of help and support right now. We are his caregivers so there is a lot of responsibility right now. It's not easy to deal with a parent with terminal cancer. It's been upsetting for the whole family. :(

There is some drama going on with my mom and brother. I knew that it was a bad idea for them to live together. It hasn't gone very well. I need to take a few steps back from that situation though. It's way too stressful to deal with. My main focus is Master Anakin and our kids as well as my FIL.

Today is a busy day for me. I am walking my son to school in the mornings now as well as the afternoons. I'm also getting back into yoga. I haven't done it since Friday. I think it will help with some stress relief. I'm chatting with my good friend, @jenpet right now. I want to wish her well for the birth of her new daughter on Thursday! I'm really excited for her! :)

I am missing Master a lot today. I'm glad He is home on Friday. I am hoping that we can continue with the play that we started yesterday. It got interrupted and I would love to get more spankings from Him! :)

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala