Happy Canada Day!

This weekend is the Canada Day long weekend! 18 years ago today I gave birth on the Canada Day long weekend. I had my first child. The teen turns 18 today. It was a really hot and sunny day when she was born. I had been in labor for 48 hours and went in for an emergency c-section. I'll never forget that moment that she was born. I became a mother for the first time. It was one of the happiest days of my life!

I  have been enjoying the long weekend with Master. We have watched movies. We even had  time for sex and orgasms too! He was very supportive with going to the dentist yesterday. I have always had a phobia about dentists and doctors. I tend to get a lot of anxiety with going to appointments. He was proud of me for going though and bought me some treats.

I started my period early this month. It seems like with having fibroids that I bleed more and more. It's a reminder of why I am getting the hysterectomy done. I will be glad when I don't have to worry about that anymore. Waiting for the hysterectomy to be done has caused me a lot of anxiety. Hopefully I'll get a call to get in this summer for that and won't have to wait until the Fall.

Happy Canada day to all those celebrating it! I hope everyone is having a good weekend!

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

The Good - This weekend was a mixture of emotions for me. The good part of it was seeing my teen daughter have her prom night. She looked beautiful in her prom dress. Her boyfriend surprised her by taking her to prom in a helicopter! Talk about making an entrance! I was so happy for the teen. It was nice to celebrate something positive. I can't believe she is graduating from high school! The years have really flown by fast.

The Bad - I was extremely stressed out about getting a call back on my mammogram. I had a second mammogram done on Friday. I spent a lot of time over the weekend feeling very worried and anxious. I spent almost 2 hours on Saturday night trying to find a lump in my left breast.

I couldn't feel anything and either could Anakin. My Doctor also didn't feel anything when I had a breast exam during my recent physical exam. It's been agonizing waiting to find out what's going on. I have a breast ultrasound tomorrow on my left breast. I see the Doctor on Thursday to discuss the results. I may need a biopsy if the breast ultrasound doesn't go very well. It's hard to wait for answers. I know people tell me not to worry but how can you not?  It's a very big worry. Having breast cancer would change my life. I just hope it turns out ok. I've been extremely stressed out about it.

and the Ugly - Cancer is such an ugly disease. I feel like it's touched my life in so many ways. I've watched it take away people that I love. I've seen people (like one of my best friends) struggle with it in a very big way. She had stage 3 breast cancer. Had 2 years of chemo and radiation as well as losing her breasts. Cancer sucks! It is a horrible feeling when you wonder if you have it. I've tried to be healthy but sometimes that isn't enough. Cancer can happen to anyone. It's very scary. :(

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Life changes

There have been a lot of life changes this year. So much is changing and there is lots to adjust to. We thought that my FIL was getting released from the hospital but he wasn't. It's been a very difficult situation. It's been a stressful time for our whole family.

The hospital is a very depressing place to visit. It brings back some really bad memories too. The hospice is right beside it which is where Anakin's mom passed away. It's not a very happy place to visit. My FIL looked very sad and quiet yesterday. I wish that we could do more for him. Cancer sucks!

My FIL is going to need a lot of help and support. My SIL wants to put him into a senior's home. My FIL wants to go back home though. This has caused a lot of family drama lately. It's also brought up some really big talks. Anakin asked me about his Dad moving in with us. We would get a big house and share it with his Dad and take care of him. This is obviously a very big decision!! It would change our lives in many different ways. I'm not sure what is going to happen.

There is a lot of family drama going on with my family too lately. I've really needed a break. Master and I got the chance to play and connect on Friday. He stayed home from work and we spent some time together on the darkside. It's what we both needed. It felt great to go into subspace for a while and forget our stress and family drama.

There is some really big stuff going on in our family. The teen is graduating in a few months and still trying to figure out her future. I'm really worried about her. I've had some really serious health issues going on. That's also stressed me out. Life is moving so quickly. It's hard to accept all the changes that are happening in my life. It's even strange to me that my son is turning 12 years old next month! He's about to be a teenager! The years go by so quickly. Hold onto those little moments while you can. I feel like I have a much deeper appreciation for life now that I'm 40 years old.

I've done a lot of changing lately. I don't even see the same person in the mirror anymore. I've lost 14 pounds and my body shape has even changed. Anakin's been changing a lot too. I am so proud of us for changing our lives and getting healthy. We have grown closer and fallen in love with each other all over again! I truly love my Husband and Master. He is my strong force. I know that we will get through whatever challenges are ahead for us. We are a strong couple. I love Anakin so very much. I know that I can get through anything with Him by my side.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala